The Revealing of A Pasals sister

I am a mystery man who is the representative runner for my country for the Olympic Summer Games. I am extremely bad at running like a normal human. Instead, I like to shuffle about in a lunge position, but no matter what, I am a winner, because thats what the stats tell me, and because I'm the only one running the race (forever alone, I know). It is easier for me to back flip than to run. I seem to have muscular problems and am destined to fail. I have been around since 2008, yet a fine member of AP Pop Culture just discovered me, and can't seem to get enough of me. But hell, who can't? But who am I, you may or may not be asking. Well, I'll tell you who I am. I guess.

I

AM

QWOP

http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html

This has to be the best game that sucks as much as it is addicting, which is pretty rare for the internet. I challenge you to play this here game. If you win, you get an internet. No more. Now GO AND MAKE THE COUNTRY OF QWOP PROUD! The nation depends on you. And your inability to run without looking silly. Now have at it, but don't get too hooked. I would hate for you to blame your slacking on me.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 10)

Wikipedia Angelica walked out from behind the shadows, with a swagger in her step. Her swagger said, "I know everything in the world, and am not afraid to show it." Of course, her swagger couldn't speak, that would be ridiculous, but actions often speak louder than words. She wore a pair of thick rimmed spectacles that have been taped and re-taped dozens of times. Her right eye was magnified to the tenfold, and her left was obscured with a cracked lens. Her sweater, blue to match the icy walls of the tunnel, was slowly unraveling, and her black leggings were obviously loved and adored. She smiled as she greeted her new guests and visitors, a smile speckled with dimples.

"Welcome to The Ice Cave!" She said in a deep, soothing voice that matched her age.

"How old are you?" Asked M. Cassie.

"I am 403 years and 35 lunar days old." She pressed her lips together in a thin line.

"Don' look a day o'er 311!" Chester grinned. The cave erupted with laughter that echoed off the walls. An icicle fell off the top of the cave, and Wikipedia sidestepped it (LIKE A BOSS).

The group was quiet, taking in the beauty of their little group.

Megaladon looked around for a minute, before speaking up.

"I'm just going to ask the question that everyone else is asking, but is too afraid to say. But since I have no fear at all, I will just go out and say it. How do we defeat Emperor Justin Bieber, and restore peace and freedom to the galaxy?" Her voice puffed out from her body in excited whisps.

"Chester looked at Megaladon gravely, and turned to Wikipedia. "Go ahead, tell 'er. We've go' all the time in th' world, mate."

"Right. Get comfortable, everyone, this will take a while." Ninja said in a huff, and took some mats from the blanket pile in the corner that no one noticed until right now, and situated them around the fire that no one notice until now. The group sat down, and with wide, bored, and amused eyes (Megaladon & Cornelius, Ninja, and M. Cassie & Chester, respectively) looked up at Wikipedia.

"The Great Bieber apocalypse happened years ago, many years ago. Justin Bieber was running against Lady GaGa the great, in the year 2018. She won, by a large margin percentage of the votes. Bieber was not happy. He lost his hair, and went into hiding for years, four, to be exact. Within that time, The Lady reinstated peace and harmony to the world, and all was well. People stopped listening to Bieber, as his luxurious hair was gone, as was his voice. People lost all interest in him, and he vowed to make himself relevant again.

"He invited The Lady to his humble abode in East Hollywood, but she was never seen again. Bieber went to the Haus of GaGa, and declared himself President of the World in 2022. To those who disagreed with the controversial choice, he sent his army of Jigglypuff to enslave them, and to destroy them mentally. All hope was lost. But...

"There are rumors going around that The Lady is alive and well. No one knows exactly what went down in Biebers house, but there is no evidence that he actually killed her. Many believe she is sleeping somewhere, and when the time is right, she will arisen from her slumber and reclaim the throne that was rightfully hers."

Wikipedia stopped. The group looked on expectantly.

"How... How true are those rumors?" Megaladon asked.

Wikipedia looked grim "[Citation needed]" She said stiffly.

---

The Lady has been asleep for centuries by this point, over 403, to be exact. So how likely was it that she was still alive and well? Deep hibernations were only so deep, Megaladon thought to herself by the dying embers of the fire. The rest of her friends and Chester were asleep, but she was wide awake. She stroked Cornelius, and rubbed her Pokeball, the one that included Magikarp. she looked over at Chester, and looked away. She couldn't take him away, that was against girl code. Buts she felt like she had known him since the dawn of time... or at least for a few years, anyways. She was tired and cold, and she had more unanswered questions than Pokemon in the universe. But one thing was for sure, she thought with defiance. She WOULD find The Lady, Citations or not.

A Pasal Reviews a Movie Scene! (Pt. 1)

In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 (Or HPDH7.5, take your pick), there is a particularly well done nude scene. I am not talking about when Harry dives into the pond to get the sword of Gryffindor, or when there are 7 Harry Potters mainly in their skivvy's, or when Harry is zipping up Ginny Weasleys dress. Those show some beautiful snippets of skin, yes. Some very, very VERY pretty pieces of flesh, indeed. But none of those quite compare to the Horcrux Scene, where Harry and Hermione, partake in one of Ron Weasleys biggest fears: Hot, naked, and making out.

The scene was extremely well done and tasteful, as far as hot, naked, make out scenes go. When I got home, I had to re-read the chapter in question to make sure they actually were naked, and not naked for Hollywood sake. And sure enough, it was/wasn't. Sure, it never said they weren't naked, but more importantly, it never said that they were. I see what you did there, Hollywood. Thinking you could use sex to sell a movie that no one would go and see anyways, because as far as I know, people don't really like HP. They prefer vampires. Maybe if someone were to mix the two together, they could create a beautiful fan fiction loved and adored by all.

The effects in the scene were brilliantly executed. Their skin, flawless, shining, and creamy, brought many an audience to their knees. And in the weeks to follow, probably the bathroom.

And the emotion! The raw, unadulterated emotion! You can't see that in cinema, kids.

Well, maybe you can.

All in all, I award this scene 6/7 Horcurxes, losing a point for the brief, awkward laughter in the theatre, and for all of those who would have rather seen Harry/Ginny or Hermione/Ron. But for those who thought the match was a match made in /fiction history, I award you 7/7 Horcruxes. That is enough to purchase one (1) internet.

Go wild, HP!

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 9)

The Emperor awoke with a jagged headache, and what was left of his hair a perfect wreck. He stumbled out of his lavish bed into his bathroom commode, to the bathroom mirror. He peered into it, admiring his reflection, until he saw the heavy purple baggage under his eyelids, and the frown marks that lined his mouth and eyes, His face looked like a road map now, of a large city, with hundreds of roads leading to nowhere. He groaned, and rubbed his eyes with his fists, and closed his eyes tightly. He was getting too old for this, he thought to himself. He looked deeply, further.

"I feel a great disturbance in the force." He muttered under his breath. There were renegades among him, he knew, and that at any moment they had the power and the ability to betray him. He had to hold out a little longer, just a little bit longer, until-

Until what? He was old and boring? Never. He aged well, he believed. He was more of a fine wine than, say, a loaf of moldy bread. He aged decently, and he looked quite handsome, but the last 18 or so years were finally catching up to him. His regret of losing what was once so near and dear to him was getting harder to forget. He needed this last, final victory. The Lady was still alive and well out there, and there was no room for the two of them in this galaxy. Once he defeated her, he could die happy. And maybe, he could find what he had lost so many years before.

---

The group of renegades had long abandoned the little igloo in search of the rebel fort. The Arctic Goats tromped on through the snow, while Cornelius pranced and frolicked through the snow with grace and wonder. Even though he had lost most of his magic by being on Earth, he never forgot who he was, or where he came from. Megaladon gripped his mane tightly, and was trying hard not to laugh too much. This was a serious situation, indeed- what with the upcoming battle and all.

"How much further?" She yelled behind her, to the rest of her friends. "I think Magikarp is getting pretty antsy being in his pokeball, and all. I mean, he hasn't used Tackle in like, a million years!"

"Eh, not too long, now. I'd say, eh, 'bout- now!" Chester yelled out as he came to a tight halt at a long flag pole marked with nothing, except for a small red button protruding from the pole.

M. Cassie and Ninja led the goats around the pole, while Megaladon as hard as she could to suppress her giddiness.

Chester pressed the button a number of times, in typical morse code fashion:

- .... . | --. .- -- . 

The ground shook and quook and the ground sunk at a steady rate.

down down down they went, deep into the treacherous black of the ground. the sky was but a pin prick in the sky, when they settled at the bottom. A small figure walked towards them, shrouded in shadow and mystery.

"Who is that?" Megaladon shivered.

"'Tis a new character, mate! 'er name is Wikipedia Angelica."

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 8)

The next morning, or afternoon, (you never could tell these days, the heavy clouds made everyday seem like the first day. (of something)) Megaladon woke up. She was getting used to this, whatever this was. She rubbed her neck. Her shark tooth was making intense patterns in her skin, and though many would find bloody and scarred necks attractive, she herself was not one of them. She re-adjusted the necklace, and wobbled over to her four friends, sitting around the campfire.

Wait. Four?

She racked her mind, trying to come up with the right answer. But there is no such thing as a right answer, especially in math.

"Who is this dude?" She said, pointing to the Mystery Dude.

M. Cassie was quietly snickering to herself, while Ninja Edwards and the Mystery Dude were taking great pains not to look directly at each other.

M. Cassie looked at her two friends, and once she realized you could cut the non-existant sexual angsty tension with a lightsabre, she took it upon herself to introduce Ninja's Ex Boyfriend.

"This is Chester Mann." Chester had grubby, unkept brown hair, and a few days worth of stubble on his face. He had a large scar that cut through his left eyebrow, that continued to his cheek. His green eyes twinkled in the igloo, and if you stared long enough, one was brought back to Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields. And Magic. It was electric.

" 'ello, mate. how'er'ou?" He said with a thick accent, sticking out a grubby palm.

Megaladon inspected the hand carefully. She noticed he had a Union Jack ring on his middle finger.

"So, uh. Are you from the South?" She asked tentatively.

" Yes, mate!" Because everyone knows that New New England was relocated to South South Pole at the turn of the century.

She cautiously stuck her hand out to touch his.

It was Magic.

It was Electric.

Megaladon gazed into his eyes.

It was Magic.

It was Electric.

She felt giddy, and felt like she was floating. All she wanted to do was run away with this beautiful boy, and she always got what she wanted.

And Megaladon was hooked.

"So. How do you know..." She began, but she couldn't remember how to finish a sentence.

Chester's eyes turned grim. So did Ninja's.

Megaladon looked at the two of them, did the math, and was quickly slammed back to earth.

Math sucks.

"Why are you here?" She asked, carefully. It was like walking on thin ice, now that she knew the truth.

"I'm the only one on Mars that knows the way to The Lady. And since no one on earth wants to come forward and help," He sat up straight and puffed out his chest, "I flew down 'ere to wake 'er up!" He grinned. Ninja face-palmed. M. Cassie laughed.

"You know... The Lady?" Megaladon shook with suppressed happiness and joy.

"I do. I did, I mean, t'wos yea's ago, yes, but I know'er."

The galaxy trembled with supressed supression. The end was coming. Life was beautiful.

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 7)

Earth was a very different place than what it was one thousand years ago. No, nothing was completely underwater. That is because Global Warming doesn't exist. It never did, really. The world was completely covered in ice. The oceans froze over year ago, or perhaps it was Hell. But the specifics don't matter. The Earth changed when Justin Bieber was elected President of the World in 2018, which he later upgraded to Emperor of the World, a title he still holds today. His secret to long life? He eats his vegetables, kids. Along with the souls of virgins.

The group of renegades exited the Tube like Tube of the Galaxy Highway, and stood to reevaluate their old home. Most people in the Galaxy lived in squalor among the asteroid belt, the masochists lived on Mercury and Mars. Only the sissies lived on Saturn, And the sickos live on Uranus. Or, if people were lucky, they were able to find a spaceship to live on. For thousands of years. Many never experienced the pleasure of fresh air or water, only recycled farts and pee.

Megaladon herself had never been to Earth before. Neither had Cornelius. Megaladon was born and raised on the Moon, and as for Cornelius? Only he knows for sure, and he isn't spilling that secret any time soon.

Our hero stumbled onto Earth, and fell heavily. She tried to get up, but her arms were too weak. Her body wasn't used to the gravitational force of the Earths gravity, and she felt heavier than a Snorlax.

She sat up, and promptly vomited. She wasn't used to the fresh air. And then she passed out. She wasn't used to much of anything, for that matter. Cornelius went over to his fallen friend, and laid down next to her. HE was going through some difficulties. His horn receded into his head. Everyone knows the Earths gravitational field is too skiwampus for magic horns to work correctly. Which meant that no one would be able to hear him talk, because unicorn voices are made of magic and dreams, both of which were completely eradicated because of Emperor JB.

M. Cassie and Ninja Edwards both looked at each other, and at poor Megaladon with pity. And then they built an igloo to live in for the time being.

Once everyone was safely inside, M. Cassie and Ninja talked in hushed tones over the artificial fire.

"We have got to find Them." Said Ninja.

"Them? Them? But that is just a myth. A Legend. A Legendary Myth." M. Cassie pulled on her plaits.

"No. They are still around and well. I have seen them. Because-" Ninja looked back and forth to make sure no one was listening, "Because I used to date Him."

M. Cassie's eyes grew as big as the moon in the sky.

"Pirate?"

"Shh! Keep it down! Do you know how mortifying it is?"

"Well, they say opposites attract... semi colon end parentheses." M. Cassie smiled.

Ninja ignored her comment.

"Do you want to restore peace and freedom to the galaxy, or not?"

"That's what she said." Megaladon said groggily, in her sleep.

"So where do we find him?" M. Cassie asked.

"I think I have a pretty good idea of where he lives." Ninja said, heavy with sarcasm.

"Cold!" M. Cassie said.

And they sat closer to the fire, in silence.

We interrupt the story to bring you this special announcement:

I haven't forgotten the story. I have a ten page paper due on the 19th. Expect more from me after that.

Until then...

-A Pasal

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 6)

Weeks went by, and yet the Magikarp kept on growing weaker and weaker.

"Ninja Edwards was getting sick and tired of her Omanyte always having to use water gun, as it kept on knocking out the poor Pokemon. M Cassie was getting sick and tired pf having to heal the Pokemon multiple times a day. And Megaladon was getting sick and tired of using the only move Magikarp knew.

"C'mon, can't you use a cool move, like Hydro Beam?" Megaladon wailed.

"Karp?" Said the Magikarp.

"Surf?"

"Karp?"

"Heck, I would be happy with Bite."

"Karp."

Megaladon walked to the other end of the pond in anger. M Cassie and Ninja Edwards stood there awkwardly as Megaladon stormed off, and tainted the air with her colorful vocabulary. Magikarp followed her, and M Cassie tried to take a step forward before being stopped by Ninja Edwards.

"Don't. This isn't your battle. It won't do any good, anyways." She said.

M Cassie began to say something, but thought better of it. The she changed her mind and decided to say it.

"If only she knew how hard that Magikarp is trying, and how much he loves her..."

Ninja placed a hand on her shoulder.

"All in due time, my friend. All in due time."

---

"What are you looking at?" Shot Megaladon to the Magikarp. She sat on the rocky shore, throwing rocks into the water, and watching them sink. Every so often, she threw a rock at the Magikarp.

"C'mon. Do you know how embarrassing you are? How humiliating it is that I own a Magikarp?"

The Magikarp floated in the clear blue water.

"I mean, here I am, trying to beef up a Pokemon so I can overthrow the Emperor and restore peace and freedom to the galaxy, and what do I get? A Magikarp. A Ma-gi-karp. Karp Karp Karp. You getting this?" She cackled manically.

"But lets get realistic here. I bet you can't even understand me, because you are so stupid. And yet, here I am, talking to you. Maybe I am the stupid one, thinking I can save the galaxy."

She slumped and put her head in her hands.

"I mean, if you knew something other than splash... the most useless move in the universe. Can't you try to make me look better? I guess you can't, because you are the worst Pokemon EVER." She threw another rock at the poor Pokemon, hitting it straight between the eyes.

"You are so dumb. You can't even dodge a rock."

A change happened to the Magikarp. His eyes filled with rage, and something must have clicked, because the Magikarp jumped out of the water, flew into the air, and tackled Megaladon in the head.

"Oh. My. GOD!" She screamed. Ninja and M Cassie ran over to her, terrified.

"What happened? Are you hurt?" M Cassie screamed.

"This Pokemon. THIS MAGIKARP." Megaladon was turning red, except for her eye which was turning purple.

"What? What is wrong with the Magikarp?" Asked Ninja.

"THIS MAGIKARP LEARNED TACKLE!" Megaladon squealed, throwing the Magikarp up into the air, hugging it and kissing it.

"THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!" She was glowing.

M Cassie looked at Ninja, who nodded.

"It's time. C'mon, we are leaving." She said.

"Leaving?What do you mean? We can't go anywhere yet. I need more time! More practice!" Megaladon pleaded.

"It's time. Pack you saddle bags, we have a galaxy to restore!" Ninja repeated.

Megaladon thought hard, before she whistled for Cornelius.

"IT'S GO TIME!"

The girls high fived. It was on. Like Donkey Kong.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 5)

After the end of a very long week, M Cassie was almost to the end of her last thread.

It wasn't because Megaladon was a terrible guest, she sometimes helped with the chores. And Cornelius was a delight to have around, though the rose bushes seemed to be growing non stop. the smell was beginning to get to her head.

M Cassie was concerned about the egg, and what was inside of it. The little creature inside was destined for great things, yes, but it would take a while for it to grow into his status. M Cassie wasn't sure Megaladon had what it took to raise the poor creature. And she knew that she wouldn't take kindly to some help, she was somewhat stubborn. Like a locked exit door that wouldn't budge even though there was a major fire and people were trying to get out.

M Cassie made sure her guest was asleep (as usual, in the hammock) before she went up to her tree house to call for backup.

she pulled out her inter-outer extra-terrestrial space telephone, dialed the same 30 digits as usual, and called up Master Ninja Edwards, on of the top 15 secret Pokemon Masters in the Galaxy.

"Hello, Miss Edwards?"

"What up, C?" Ninja answered, with flair.

"I was wondering if I could ask your for a favor..." she lowered her voice. Megaladon was beginning to stir.

"A Pokemon one?"
"Yes! But not so loud. I was wondering if you and you Omanyte could help us beef us an extra special Pokemon. the little buddy is destined for great things!" she squealed.

"Well, what kind of Pokemon we talking 'bout here? the last Pokemon I had to beef up was a Zubat, and that took forever. Never again..." There was a hint of disgust in her voice.

"No, no, no! You don't have to worry about another silly ol' Zubat, this one is a different type!" M Cassie laughed.

Ninja sighed.

"It isn't a-"

"Yeah. I am afraid it is." M Cassie bit her lip.

"Please, can you help us?"

"I don't know. I mean-"

"Help me, Ninja Edwards. You're our only hope!"

Ninja swore colorfully over the line.

"I suppose... but you owe me BIG for this."

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Please come over as soon as you can!"

"Will do," said Ninja, from behind. She was a bit dizzy from the apparation, but other than that, she was looking as good as ever. She was looking as powerful as ever, too, in her black trench coat and her burgundy dress. Her eye patch was a deep blue, as always, and she wore her hair down. Her Omanyte was at her side.

"Must you do that every time?" M Cassie said, her face red and her body shaking.

"Must you call me every time to beef up a lame Pokemon?" Ninja retorted.

"Well-" M Cassie began, but was interrupted by Megaladon.

"Idon'tknowwhoyouarebutIamgoingtosayhianywaysbutImustinterruptbecauseMY. EGG. IS. HATCHING!" Megaladon screamed breathlessly, and held her cracking egg in her hand.

"Come ON! I can't wait to see you1 We are going to be best friends forever and I can't wait to see you in all of your glory!" She cooed as M Cassie and Ninja looked on uncomfortably.

And finally, the egg hatched. The Pokemon sat there in all of its glory.

"Oh, my-" Began Megaladon, but was swiftly interrupted by the Pokemon.

"Karp?"

"Oh, my-" she tried again, but her world was spinning, and before she knew it, the ground tilted and her body connected with the wooden floor.

"I think that went well," Ninja said.

"I'll get the broom," M Cassie said as she walked off to get the broom.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 4)

"The lasers. are they ready?" Said the cloaked figure menacingly.

"Yes, my master!" Said the servant to the menacing cloaked figure.

"Splendid, splendid." The cloaked figure got off of his chair and strode over to the window. The landscape of New York wasn't too different than what it was 1000 years ago, except for the Statue of Liberty was replaced by the Menacing Cloaked figures likeness. And that was they way he liked it, along with his minions, those millions of teenage girls who fell under his spell when he crooned his tunes so many times. He was a heart breaker back in the day, but things were different now. He removed his cloak and the servant gasped.

"Is something wrong?" Said Emperor Justin Bieber, his eyes flashing with pure hatred.

"No! No, my master! Nothing is wrong with you!" Said the servant. He had to divert his gaze. The blinding bald spot was rumored to turn people into stone if they looked directly into it, and he had to preserve himself! No way was he going to turn into stone. This was a good paying job, and it had some nice benefits. The vacations weren't half bad, either. One week off a year! Better than what the others fared. And that was only because he willingly came over to the Bieb-side.

"So how long will it take to attach the lasers to the Jigglypuffs??" Emperor Justin Bieber said, as he flicked his phantom hair around. Old habits die hard, apparently.

"Oh! Uh, not too long." Cowered the servant.

"How long will it take to attach the lasers to the Jigglypuffs?" The Emporer spoke a little louder now, a little angrier.

"a few..."

"A FEW WHAT?"

"Months?"

"WHAT? NOOOOooooWOOOOAAAHHHAYEAAAH" The Emperor yelled/sang. The servant gave a little whimper and fell to the ground, out cold.

The Emperor sighed. He had to control himself. Ever since he discovered that his hypersinging had the potential to have people do his bidding, life was never the same. Only one other person could cancel out his damage, and she was nowhere to be seen. her and her army, Monsters as she liked to call them, died out many years ago. He made sure that he would never see her blonde hair, or her wacky costumes ever again. Though there were legends, anyways. Terrible, gruesome legends. The legend that she could be summoned by the Chosen One...

He shuddered. But those were legends. Only legends. None of which were true. He smiled to himself.

"This is My World now..." He smiled. he grinned. He chuckled and laughed and whooped and hollered and coughed and sputtered and stopped. He had to save his voice. There were still some renegades out there, and he had to get them on his side, or else they could find that legendary creature...

But none of that was true. He walked over to his passed out servant, kicked him with his diamond toed shoe, and when he didn't rise, he moved on. Someone would pick up after the mess. Someone always did. He pulled on his cloak again, and swaggered out of the room to go and check on the Jigglypuffs. Those sweet, sweet Jigglypuffs.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 3)

The Gym was light years different from the interior of the musty interior of the Galactic Grub, It was like walking into an entirely different universe.

the Gym was a wide open area, well lit with chandeliers every few hundred feet or so. A small lake was at the opposite end of where the two were standing, with a small boat tied up to a dock, and there were two trees, with a hammock between them, along with an enormous treehouse, where M Cassie lived. A generous patch of grass was at the foot of the door, where Cornelius was grazing.

"Mff Mf Mfff!" Cornelius said, his monocle fogging up again.

"Oi, what's the matter with you, now?" Megaladon asked, sternly but with love.

"I said," Cornelius began as he swallowed the grass, "That this is the best grass I have eaten on this side of the galaxy!" A tear of joy rolled down his nose, and M. Cassie held a bottle underneath it.

"What are you doing?" Megaladon asked.

"Do you know how much unicorn tears go for? A lot. That is how much." M Cassie corked off the bottle, and slid it into her breast pocket.

"Hey! That should belong to me! It is my unicorn that is crying!" Megaladon shrieked as she attempted to grab the vial of liquid moolah. A short scuffle ensued, and before long, the bottle broke. The tears sank into the ground, and a small rose bush appeared, bearing the most beautiful roses ever seen to the girls. They admired its beauty a minute longer, before getting to the business at hand.

"So, uh. If you knew I had a Pokemon egg, then do you..."

"Of course I do." M Cassie snapped. "I know all."

"Then, do you think, maybe..."

"Gimme the egg."

Megaladon took the egg from the saddle bag of the now asleep Cornelius, who snored out a cloud of glitter contentedly, and passed the egg to M Cassie. She looked at the egg, examined every side and crook, looked at every small splotch of color and imperfection. She lightly traced over the edges, and lightly tapped on it an random places, as she said small phrases, such as "Hm." and "Ah," and "tut tut tut."

"So can you tell me what kind of Pokemon I have?" Megaladon hopefully asked.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that. It is against the code of Pokemon Whisperers such as myself. What if I told you this Pokemon were, say, a Meowth? Would you still love it?"

"Well, duh. Meowths are the shiz, yo."

"What about a Ratatta?"

"Well, those are slightly annoying, but I don't see-"

"Or a Magikarp?"

"OK. I see your point."

"I have seen so many undesirable Pokemon abandoned... because most people want the 'cool' pokemon, like Pikachu, or Squirtle, or-"

"Charizard?"

"Yes, exactly," M Cassie said with a far away look in her eyes. "I couldn't bear that happening to another pokemon!"

"OK. I promise I shall love and cherish my Pokemon, no matter how craptacular the power. Happy now?" Megaladon said impatiently.

"Well, when you put it that way, No. But I can tell you this- You will love your Pokemon. Eventually. And this Pokemon will love you too. Eventually."

"Thanks for the optimism. So when does this sucker hatch?"

Megaladon had numerous other questions to ask, like if it was good enough to destroy the swarm of Zombies led by Emperor JB. That JB was a tricky one, hypnotizing all those teen girls through his pop ditty's. The teen boys suffered the worst though, Attempting to like his music so that they can attract a female themselves. And the haircuts? Megaladon shuddered at the thought. There were some that were unaffected by the hypnotism. But not many. Pokemon were the only ones who could truly battle and defeat him, so it was important to have a badass powerful Pokemon, especially if you happened to be one of the integral leaders of the rebel alliance. she had to have a powerful Pokemon! And it had to be cuddly as well! The galaxy depended on it!

"So, like I said earlier before the author got lost on the back story, when does this sucker hatch?"
"I believe, it should hatch within the week or so. So make yourself comfortable, you may be here for a while."

"Will do!" Megaladon said. She was already in her sweatpants, and was making her way towards the hammock. "Oh, and I like my eggs over easy. With Bacon. Lots and lots of bacon. See you in the morning!"

M Cassie shuddered. This was going to be a loooong week.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 2)

Megaladon and Cornelius were flying on a rainbow through space at a speed not quite unlike the speed of light. Things were going smoothly. The space debris ring around Mars was looking better, ever since the previous government decided to use Titan as the solar system garbage center. The Moon was known as the solar system recycle center. But still, Space Punks (Or teenagers, as the 21st century called them) still littered excessively. Megaladon pulled out her new egg.

"What do you suppose could be in here?" She pondered to herself.

"A Pokemon!" Said Cornelius enthusiastically.

"WOW I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED." Megaladon yelled sarcastically.

"...Sorry. You asked, and you received." Cornelius looked sad.

"Are you alright?" Megaladon asked, worried. "Your monocle is fogging up."

"Wha-? No. Don't be silly. I, er, it is REALLY hot up here. You know. Solar System Warning."

And so it was. The pathways between the planets were each connected to tube-like tubes and those in turn were hooked up to artificial atmosphere machines, which were impermeable to most nuclear bombs and weapons of mass destruction,. Emergency escape pods were every 1 AU or so, give or take. It got hot up there sometimes, but nothing that a Unicorn and a Ninja couldn't handle.

The two of them headed towards the Asteroid belt, where all the seedy characters lived and stayed. But there was a specific Jedi she had to talk to, to help her hatch this egg of hers.

They arrived at their destination, a seedy little run down bar. before Darth JB and his army of Zombies took over the galaxy, it was the place to go to get all your galactic grub on. Which was why it was called Galactic Grub. As they touched down on the little asteroid, Megaladon took off her helmet and walked up to the grubby red door. She knocked 4 times in succession, paused, and knocked twice more. A panel disappeared from the door, and a bright eye covered in mascara and hope appeared.

"You got the password?" She asked quixotically.

"Klaatu. Barado. Nikto."

The eye was gone, and a number of locks were unlocked.

"Come this way! I have been expecting you! And please, bring Cornelius with you! Space can get chilly sometimes," Master Cassie smiled as she led Megaladon and Cornelius in through the grimy interior of the bar.

"I like what you've done with the place," Megaladon said as she sidestepped a broken chair.

"I know! It really throws the Galactic Police off our trail!" M Cassie gushed with pride. She wore a long white lab coat with well loved combat boots. Her red hair was braided into a long braid that ran halfway down her back.

"I understand you have an egg with you, am I correct?" M Cassie asked.

"How on asteroid did you find that out?" Megaladon asked, dumbstruck.

"I know all." M Cassie stopped in her tracks, and stared at Megaladon.

"I should've guesses... but can you help me?"

"Of course! I would never leave a ninja hanging. Or, you know, I could die. And the force would be in jeopardy, and the universe could explode."

"Yeah. That could happen."

There was silence. The two of them walked to the end of the bar, where a hidden door stood, hidden. M Cassie unlocked the door with her master key,

"You ready for this?" M Cassie warned.

Megaladon put on her sunglasses. "I was BORN ready."

M Cassie opened the door, and the duo entered The Gym.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 1)

(November is national Novel Month, where you write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Here is my contribution, where I will be periodically posting chapters throughout the month. So, without further ado, DIAL M FOR MEGALADON.)

Megaladon took off her motorcycle helmet and shook out her long, luxurious hair that cascaded out like the chocolate waterfall in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. She brushed the dust off of her denim jacket, and wiped a bug off of her leather pants. Yes, travel by unicorn was challenging, but it was the only way to travel. What was she going to do, travel by hovercraft? She laughed at her thought. She strode down the dark alley, with only her shotgun and a briefcase to keep her company. And her Unicorn, Cornelius.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, to walk down this dark alley... alone?" Cornelius whined, and shook his rainbow mane until glitter scattered the alleyway.

"Of course it is. I have a shotgun. I'm good" Megaladon said as she surveyed the alley. It was quiet.

Too quiet. She noticed the random graffiti on the grimy brick walls, (JB N ZOMBY 4 LYF) "misspelled." she muttered to herself. But she was not here to grade the graffiti; she only did that on weekdays, when she taught her fellow Ninja students English. Tonight was a Saturday, which meant school wasn't for a few more days. But no matter the day it happened to be that night, someone was definitely going to get schooled.

"All right, I know you are back here, Clyde. I can smell you. You smell like... garbage." Megaladon shouted.

"Real clever, my lady." Said Clyde. AKA The Garbage Man. he emerged from behind the shadows, his glasses illuminated in the moonlight. He wore a mechanics suit with a tie, as was his usual attire, and he held a small bundle in his hands. "Do you have my-"

"Yes, right here." She popped open the briefcase, and Clydes face was illuminated in red. "Holographic Charizard." Do you know how hard it it to find those? Do you have my-"

"Yes, my lady. Here is your egg." He handed her the egg, it trembled a bit in her hands.

"What type of Pokemon is it?" She asked, her voice quivering with excitement.

"Garbage men never tell." He laughed.

"Where did you find this?"

"You know the old saying," he said as he walked away.

"No, no I don't, actually" Megaladon said.

"Look it up. I will see you on the other side... of MARS!" He said as he vanished in a cloud of smoke that smelled faintly of boiled cabbage.

Megaladon held her egg in her hands, and looked around. Ever since Pokemon have been outlawed, vigilante Ninjas such as Megaladon herself have been quietly training in underground facilities, in order to overthrow the tyrannical rule of JB and his wicked army.

She put her shotgun away, and put the egg in the saddle bag. She tucked her hair into her motorcycle helmet, and climbed on Cornelius.

"Let’s make like thunder, and BOLT-" She yelled, and with a flash of light, Cornelius was off and running, with the tail of a rainbow behind her. Megaladon knew if she was going to train this Pokemon, no matter the type, she had to go to the master. And she knew just the one to go to...

Harry Potter and the Lost Chapter.

*Takes place after the epilogue in Deathly Hallows*

EPILOGUE, PART II

Harry awoke with a start. he sat up swiftly, and slammed his head onto the low ceiling.

"What the..." he said, and coughed as he inhaled a cloud of dust. He brushed a spider off of his shoulder wearily, and fumbled around in the dark until he found his old broken glasses, and the doorknob to let him out of his tiny room.

He tumbled out from his room under the staircase, and brushed some more dust off of his too-large T-shirt.

"What is wrong with you, boy!" Barked Uncle Vernon.

"Duddikens ate your birthday pancake, because you were too lazy to get up for your 12th birthday!" Said Aunt Petunia from the kitchen.

"I won't beat you this time. Consider that your birthday present." Uncle Vernon growled, who was a beautiful shade of purple today,

A wave of dissappointment hit Harry.

"I just had the most marvelous dream..." He began, with stars in his eyes.

"Shut up, boy, and do the dishes." Vernon yelled.

Harry sighed, and tried to hang onto the last remnants of his glorious dream as he sadly rolled up his sleeves.

THE END.

The Little ATV That Couldn't (A Cautionary Tale)

ONCE UPON A TIME...There lived three girls (Yours truly, Snow White, and Schooley) who traveled to the far away, magical place of Monroe. Monroe was in the country side, you see, and they desperately wanted to escape the fabulous life of the city to go on an ADVENTURE.
This time, an ADVENTURE meant switching from the safe confines of their car, to the not-so-safe confines of an ATV. The not-so-safe part meant that their adventure was sure to be extremely fun an magical! Like riding a T-Rex over a double rainbow! WOAH.
So they all piled on the back of the 1984 ATV, and were off to explore the land!
Schooley, who had experience in ATVing, took the reins, and started the vehicle."Rr-r-r-r-r. Rr-r-r-r-r. Rr-r-r-r-r-rVRRRROOOOMMMM" Said the ATV!The girls laughed. The ATV was so funny! So they rode off into the sunset, and besides the occasional bug that stuck their smiling faces, the trip was as smooth as Nutella.
Until...
They went to see the miniature unicorns a mile or so down from the Palace, on the Main Road. The Main Road was different than the Back Road the girls were previously riding on. Sure, they met an occasional automobile, but they would get to the side of the road, no problem. "Rrrrrr-r-r-rm." Said the ATV, so Schooley pulled over to a neighboring castle to give the poor little ATV a break."How long do we have to wait?" Said Snow White."Until the ATV is good and ready. Shouldn't take long, eh?"The ATV was silent. The girls waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally, the girls noticed the guards looking at them through the stained glass windows, so they decided to get going. Schooley attempted to start the ATV."Vrr-r-r-r-r. Vrr-r-r-r-r. Vr-Vr-Vr-Vr-Vr""Oh no!" The girls exclaimed.Schooley tried again, but the ATV refused to move.

The girls looked at each other, and knew they were doomed.

"Come on! You can do it! I BELIEVE in you!" I said, as Schooley attempted to start the engine up.

"Vr-r-r-r-r-r." was the last thing the little ATV could say, before it succumbed to it's own personal illness.

The girls sat there for a minute.

"Well, this sucks." said Snow White.

The only option was to push the ATV all the way home.

The girls learned a valuable lesson that day.

The Moral? Depression wins. Every. Single. Time. Just give up, because no matter how hard you try, it will never be good enough. You are doomed to fail.

And they lived happily ever after!

The Date.

SET: in a coffee shop/park/food court/any of the above. hell, take your pick. or just make something up.

CHARACTERS:

Male: (Age 18, but any age will do.)

Female: (See Male.)

(Their thought translation)

our two protagonists sit across/are standing/are walking/(insert movement here) next to each other. This is near the end of their date. They like each other in a dangerous way, a way that neither of them have ever felt before. Their conversation is in progress.

F: So. Um... How is life? (Jesus, what a stupid question. This "date" is like halfway over, and I ask him how his life is? Shee-it.)

M: Pretty good, pretty good. (Damn. What did I just say that? Obviously I am good, I am more than good. I established that a while ago, why couldn't I have said something different? Oh, Lord. I think she thinks I think I should say something else. Quick, something witty!) Because I am with you, that is. (Oh, what the hell did I just say? Now she thinks I am some sort of loser suing my loser pick up lines, trying to seduce someone who I don't deserve. Way to go, Romeo.)

F: Oh! Good! (Oh Christ. He just said that because I said such a stupid question. Stupid questions deserve fake answers. Maybe I can salvage this some how. Quick, Go Go Go!) Um.

(Shit.)

M: Um. (Shit.)

-AWKWARD SILENCE-

F: (I better say something so he doesn't think I am socially retarded.)

M: (I better say something so she thinks I am not socially retarded.)

M/F: So-

M/F: No, Go ahead.

M/F: You first.

M/F: (There has gotta be an easier way to do this. If only I knew what s/he was thinking... Christ.)

M: So, I was thinking... (Way to go, Einstein.)

F: Yeah? (Way to go, Savant)

M: I would kind of, well, um. Ha ha (WHY AM I SO AWKWARD?)

F: Go on...! (I hope that didn't come off as '50s house wife. because I am not that kind of girl.)

M: I had a really good time. (I had a good time. But I don't know if she even likes me.)

F: I had a really good time too. (I had a good time, but he thinks I am an ass, so I guess this was just a waste of his time.)

M: So, I guess I will see you. (Shit. Like she even wants to see me anymore, after I acted like a COMPLETE MORON)

F: Not if I don't see you first! Hahahahahaha. Heh. (So much for that second date...)

M: Bye! (Bye, forever.)

F: Bye! (Bye, forever.)

M/F: (FML.)

Is there a moral to this tale?

The Ballad of Candace, Queen of the Juggalos

Candace was a girl I used to know,
Who lived in the valley where the roses grow.
She was a good friend, but did you know?
That Candace was a Juggalo.

Candace was indifferent to the whole scene,
because she had no clue what it did mean.
She didn't care too much for ICP
but enjoyed the company of the other clown freaks.

Now, the Juggalos knew what she was
And that listening to the ICP was a Juggalo must
so they all got together to make a plan
so that it was her turn to bite the dust.

Candace was heartbroken by the news
so she set off to find her very own muse
she walked away from the valley where the roses grow
and into the sewer where despair looms.

She had her bags packed to search for IT
the mighty-frightening clown of death
for he was a freaky clown at best
that would put her weary heart to rest.

Way down in the sewers, she came upon his lair
with his panted on face, and his fake red hair
"Oh, please help me!" She wailed
"Can you sing me a little clown prayer?"

IT looked at her and scratched his head
"I can think of something better.
Take me to their beds, where they lie
and I'll show them the circus in the sky."

She was delighted as she dried her eyes
It was her time to fit in, with out the lies!
She took him to the place where her dreams once died
the Juggalo city, at the border line.

The Juggalos were no stranger
to Pennywise, they knew they were in danger
they reacted not in fury, or total anger
they knew IT was just another player hater.

Not before long,
the mighty Juggalo's were gone.
IT and C were all alone,
it was THE END, or so she thought.

Pennywise turned to our hero C,
and said "You are the finest Juggalette I ever did see.
Come live with me, I'd be filled with delight
if you and I were to marry tonight!"

Candace was a girl I used to know
who lives in the sewer where the critters grow.
She is as happy as anyone I know
because she is the ultimate Juggalo!

*(I aspire to be a country singer, this is my first attempt.)*

Are you a Hipster? A brief quiz.

(Before I start this off, you will notice the signature on this post is my real name! I no longer have to use my co-pilot's e-mail anymore, nor do I have to tag every post with A. Pasal. Unless I feel like it...)

Have you ever wondered if you are, in fact, the odd creature they call a Hipster? Take this easy quiz to find out!

1) Are you a Hipster?

[] YES

[] NO

ANSWER KEY

If you chose YES, you are a Hipster! Congratulations!

If you chose NO, you are not a Hipster! Congratulations!

If you chose NO ironically, you are a Hipster! Congratulations!

If you chose YES to try and fit in, you are a poser! Congratulations!

If you chose YES but thought the quiz was asking if you are a Hippie, You need to re-take the quiz!

If you thought to yourself, "Fuck this stupid test", You are a Punk!

If you couldn't decide what to put down and mulled over this test for a while, while thinking to yourself, "What IS a Hipster, so you walked around outside for a bit to help clear your mind, before coming to the realization that maybe, in fact, you ARE a hipster, because you need an identity, and that can fill the void, You have a mind! you don't need to be a Hipster unless you really want to!

If you wanted to watch Star Wars instead, you are a Geek! Congratulations!

If you didn't care about this quiz at all, because you thinks Hipsters aren't very cool anyways, you don't need to take this, because you are already better that the lot of them anyways.

If you wish to retake the quiz because you are unhappy with your answer, you may in fact do so.

Or if you think I am flat out wrong, e-mail me at mack.rambo@gmail.com, where you will be promptly ignored.

Hooters: A Journey (Part 1)

A month or two ago, I turned 18. And I had no idea what to do.

So I figured I would do what most well adjusted 18 year old do on their 18th birthday.

T & A FTW.

But of course this would take a lot of planning and determination. And there was no way I would do this alone, sitting in a corner with a party hat. I had to do this carefully, so as not to ruin it. So I enlisted some help with my friends Ninja Edwards, and Schooley, friends who understood and even suggested the idea in the first place.

Schooley suggested Hooters, because it was pretty tame, and it was a transition. We would work our way up to free pizza day at the local strip club. Plus, we heard the wings were pretty damn tasty.

So we put on our sunglasses and headed out on our adventure. Hooters took a while to get there, and when we arrived in the crowded parking lot, we were greeted with the beautiful sight of a fat man taking his shirt off in the parking lot. His body hair was majestic, and it was a great way to start off a potential dinner. Imagine, looking at that before you had a chance to have some tasty wings! MMMMM!

The Hooters was located next to a now defunct Christian store, specializing in Spanish Bibles.

Laughs were had. Who reads anymore?

We entered the restaurant, and it was very crowded. It was a fight night, apparently. No one came to our aid, so we poked around a bit.

We found hoola hoops.

A woman came up to us!

"45 minute wait, y'all sure you want to stick around?" She said, the words coming out of her hot pink lips.

"...Yes." Schooley said defiantly.

"Can I get a name for y'all?"

The panic set in. What alias were we going to use?

"Sandra." Said Ninja.

When she left, we huddled. Did we really want to stick around?

No.

It was too crowded, and we were too hungry. And it wasn't even wet t-shirt day.

So we left, and as I looked back, I saw the little waitress in her orange shorts running to serve wings to her hungry male customer.

I also saw a mother with her child.

So this restaurant is not just for the men, but it is a family dining establishment!

Someday, we will be bold enough to eat a wing.

Someday, we may even have the glory to work there!

But until then, the Cheesecake factory will do.

The Captain

Years and years ago, I was but a young girl.

Quite a feat, because I am still a young girl. But the opportunity arose for me to go on an adventure. And I took the opportunity, because I am, in fact, only human.

But I decided to go on this adventure because I was a pirate, and Pirates go on adventures all the time. This adventure would mark the end of an extremely long journey, twelve years in the making! Do you know how long twelve years is? A dozen. That is how many.

But I slipped into the ceremonial adventure gown that so many have donned before me, snow white for the females, and crimson for the males, I gathered the symbolic pieces of metal and cord that I have earned over the years. I saw many others with their adventure cords, and I felt at ease. There would be many before me that would rise to this occasion. I slowly entered the dark and barren cave that would be the main stage for the adventure. I stood there among my comrades and peers, and waited for an end that would not come swiftly enough. The ceremonial gowns were quite hot, and I knew it would be a long time before I would be able to take it off. I decided to straighten my square, matching cap, and suck it up, so I wouldn't be such a pussy. The line was moving! Finally! I looked at my friends in the dark cave, as we entered an amphitheater. There were strange creatures looking upon us, with flashing eyes, and signs that had symbols on them. They were screaming, as if there for a celebration... weird.

I sat in the ceremonial chair. I did not know why I was there, but I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. The twelve year journey prepared me for the epic boring-ness of the situation. I knew how to keep occupied. I spaced out as strange people gave strange, generic speeches.

But wait! Everyone was standing up! I did too. It was my time to fly, dear readers, and I was to fly with style. I got to the screamers with the loud voices.

"NAME?" He screamed, quite loudly

"Captain A Pasal!" I screamed at him, and took my place on the stage with the large multiplication sign stuck on the stage. He screamed out the name, and I strode across the stage.

Then I sat down. That was the end of my adventure. I must begin preparing for the next one.

At the end of the journey, we threw up our pointy, square caps.

We did it, Team 2010.

Live long and prosper, bitches.

Hello....Anybody out there?

Yoohoo---anybody there?



After a prolonged cyber sabatical I am happy to announce a renewed commitment to tutor you in the finer points of APpopculture.



Not to waste time I direct your attention today to "Let them Sing it For You" http://www.sr.se/P1/src/sing/#



Type in your favorite song lyrics--or any other phrase/message, and it will sing it back!



Enjoy explorers!



I will return soon!



P. Medan

Updates

Are over-rated.

Diaries

Diaries, (or Dairys for they 8 and younger crowd, or Journals for dudes, or Captains Logs if you are Kirk) are forms of written documentation so that one may access previous encounters with their life. Diaries are also forms to show how awesome life used to be, before you screwed it up by spending countless hours in front of the Television, or... you know.

Diaries are also the more primitive forms of blogs. In fact, this blog, and my very own diary have something in common: There are two current readers (besides my co-star, Medan), myself, and my sister.

Diaries are a place to put down innermost secrets that no one should know about. Blogs are a place to put innermost secrets that are allowed to be shared with the world.

In most cases, these written logs are important to understand the culture that the writers are in. Which means that most entires are about how awful life is, and how moody you are, and how nothing will ever be the same. Because now, life is rolling foreward at a constant rate. Time stops for no one.
Not even Chuck Norris.
But I will discuss his faults at a later time.
Diaries are perfect for the brooding, moody beatnik in all of us.

Even you.

Glasses

Glasses are used for being able to see in various cases where it is impossible to do so. As in, you were born with poor eyesite, so you need glasses to see the board at school, so you will not fail later in life.
Or if you are a driver, So you don't veer off the road and take the lives of the righteous, as well as the wicked.
Glasses were not created as a visual means of fashion, but they certainly evolved into that indication. For those who are stuck with bad eyesite, they might as well be cool looking, as the glasses will be the first cranial accessory that one will see when they meet you.
Glasses were not meant to be treated as any other piece of jewelry. Some people just don't deserve to wear glasses.

I am talking about the Indie-Hipster-Douchebags who listen to "Indie" music, who ride their "bikes" everywhere to the local "coffee hut" because that is "the cool thing to do."

The hipsters who try hard, to make it look like they are not trying hard.

I am not criticizing the whole of the indie sub culture, I will get to that another day. But when a kid who has been making fun of me for wearing glasses since the fourth grade, suddenly appears with the latest dollar store glasses with the lenses punched out...

Do they really think they have earned any sort of street cred? Half my life, I have been wearing glasses. And for a majority of it, people would make snide remarks about my less than stellar vision.

"Wow, you must be blind."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Wow, you look like Urkle/Velma/[Insert name of "geek"] "

or, my favorite:

"Floor Pies!"

The latter was a poor attempt at the practicle 'four eyes' approach. (If you ask me, THEY need the glasses if they believe I actually have four eyes) but he lisped his words together. Of course, I made fun of him for that until he cried.

Hey, I never said I was merciless. And it was the 5th grade. So sue me.

I choose not to wear contacts, because I do not want to sell out. And they burn my eyes. If you choose to wear contacts, that is your decision! Go for it! But if you wear contacts, and are wearing a pair of Ray Bans with the lenses pushed out, you lose all the credibility you ever had.

Which is none, you stupid indie kid.

El Speedo

First of all, Happy monthly bacon day! Remember to have bacon and be happy.

It is also A Pasal's half birthday. Hooray!

Our topic today however is incredibly serious. Today I will enlighten you to the grave, grave problem of the male and the speedo. Not the brand Speedo, but the man-bikini brief 'swim suit' that many males feel the need to inflict upon the population.

For a bit of history, I shall let you in on my philosophy that there are certain clothing articles that should require a license or permit to be worn, some of the items included are: mini-skirts, low rise jeans, tube tops, etc. The article most needing to be treated as a contolled substance however is the speedo brief.

For some odd reason, human males seem to believe that their attractiveness increases if they wear a speedo. The opposite is generally true however. Not only does the speedo overemphasize certain features, but it gives the unfortunate audience memories that will never fade of images they wish they had rather not seen.

Were speedos only worn by dishy guys, there would be little cause for complaint. However, most men who are of that calibre realize that the swim trunk is a much safer, generally more appealing option. Instead, it is the unwashed, wizened, non-dishy masses that tend to keep the speedo suit in business.

This is a grave insult to society explorers! Ban together and assist in the cause to require a permit for a speedo! Prevent speedo night-mares for children everywhere! Bring enlightenment to the masses!

Bring down the speedo!........er, you know what I mean.

Beaver Duck

The infamous Beaver duck is unlike any other animal hybrid around. It is equal parts Beaver, and Equal parts duck. One may even say it is half/half.
The Beaver Duck can live in various places, ranging from your imagination, to Eastern Australia. It is unique in many different, unique ways. It is the only mammal to lay eggs instead of birthing live young, with the breeding season starting and ending June to October. Beaver Ducks often participate in polygamous lifestyles, so they may have come from various places in Utah as well.
The Beaver Duck has poisonous venom, located in the ankle spurs. Only the males have venomous ankle spurs, as the females do not need to be worried about getting into many physical fights, as they mainly use verbal attacks, much like any other female species. Males are much more prone to get into fights, as that is their macho behavior. Plus, it probably does help to score chicks if they look tough and menacing. The venom is not enough to kill any full grown human, but it might as well: If you were stung by a Beaver Duck, you might as well die from embarrassment.
Beaver Ducks find their food sources (smaller creatures, such as the shrimpy goodness of shrimp) by using electrolocation. Their sensory sensors are located in the skin of their bills, and it can be quite powerful. They can determine the direction of an electric source by moving his head from side to side. If you see this happen, the Beaver Duck is not merely listening to rap music (or certain super-jazz groups) but looking for his/her shrimp cocktail. Beaver Ducks spend about 12 hours a day looking for food. They dive in the water for up to 40 seconds at a time, and spend time out of the water in burrows made of roots or old tree trunks. Electrolocation + Venom also means another thing for the Beaver Duck: It is as close to a Pokémon as many are going to get in their ENTIRE LIVES. Unless you live in the Johto,
The Beaver Duck spends about 17 years of its life alive. The other years it spends dead. The beautiful creature is no where near being extinct, even after years of being captured for its fur. Those days are long gone. Trappers now make fur coats out of minks, and various other endangered species.
All in all, the Beaver Duck is a fascinating creature. It may very well exist, to prove that The Big Guy Up There has a fantastic sense of humor. Also, that Australia is a weird and crazy place.

There were good cartoons once.

Nickelodeon used to be awesome when I was a kid. The greatest shows were playing at a near constant speed, and just about everything on there was comic gold.
There was Rugrats, before they decided to sell out by adding new babies to the formula.
We had Rocko's Modern life, with more sexual innuendos than a day at high school
There was the fabulous Angry Beavers, about... two very angry beavers.
And that isn't even the tip of the ice berg
All That is the reason I wanted to be a comedian, and work to the big time: SNL.
I could go on and on about the greatest 90s station, but there is simply not enough time for me to do this. I will devote every other Sunday into the finer points of Nickelodeon, before we had crap like iCarly, Barnyard, and the dreaded Spongebob Squarepants.
Life didn't always used to fail this miserably. There was a time where parents didn't care about the violence on an episode of Ren and Stimpy. Because now violence in cartoons will lead to violence in real life.
Yeah, right.
People have gotten too uptight about programming for kids. Who wants educational cartoons? If The Man is going to remove the good stuff for the kids, I say e remove the "reality" programs from every station EVER. Which means that MTV is out of buisness, but since that station is already a walking contradiction, it wouldn't be much of a problem.
The point is, thing were better.


And we all knew that.
-A. Pasal

Have you heard about that new Religion......

Hello explorers!

In today's pop culture lesson we will be delving into 'alternative religion.' Alternative religions are opportunities for us all to find our true loves and have a forum in which to share them with others on a very personal level.

This week's featured religion: "The Holy Church of Bacon" aka "Baconism"

Baconism, like many religions has its own holy book, the aptly titled "Holy Book of Bacon" which includes The Five Baconic Laws, Salty Scrolls, and Fat Book among others.

There is a Bacon Political Party, as well as belief that all scientific discovery can be "boiled down to bacon."

To properly observe the religion of Baconism it is recommended that you participate in Monthly Bacon Day, (the third Tuesday of every Month).

We encourage you to find out more about Baconism by visiting: http://www.worshipbacon.com/wiki/Main_Page
there are also many blogs relating to bacon you can visit.

Bacon Be with you Brothers and Sisters

The Five Baconic Laws/Pillars
OR Baconmandments

1. Thou shalt not consider Bacon on the same level as any other food, as it is above all.
2. Thou shalt not consume imitation Bacon.
3. Thou shalt not stop pursuing Baconlightenment until it is reached.
4. Thou shalt not forget to consume Bacon for ten days.
5. Thou shalt spread the word of Bacon to all.

'Quel Re

This is not merely an academic course (Where you earn the famous "internet points" for knowing something/pleasing us with your wit), it is also a place where one can see that they are NOT ALONE in this cruel, cruel world. Us true geeks are a dying breed, with imposters around every corner. We are the real deal. We know what we are talking about, as we were there to experience it. We will ultimately continue to know.
As long as there is a new TV show to geek out to.
As long as there is anything to do with a comic book.
As long as long is long.
Medan and I will be there for the ride.
Will you?
-A. Pasal
PS-All thoughts and opinions are of the writers ONLY. They do not reflect the ideas of the schools in the valley, our friends and enemies, though we may share similar interests. We are not trying to INFLUENCE anyone, but that may/may not happen.
You've been warned.

Welcome aboard explorers!

Welcome to your first lesson in AP Pop-culture! First, a bit about the instructors.
A Pasal was born before your time, yet is probably younger than you. She is also currently attending school at a continent. In her spare time she is often found investigating the best methods to cook microwave popcorn.
P Medan is yet to be and always is. She believes in being excellent to each other and often ponders the great question "what is the purpose of homework?" The answer has yet to be divined.

We look forward to instructing you in the way of the modern-day teen!