Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 8)

The next morning, or afternoon, (you never could tell these days, the heavy clouds made everyday seem like the first day. (of something)) Megaladon woke up. She was getting used to this, whatever this was. She rubbed her neck. Her shark tooth was making intense patterns in her skin, and though many would find bloody and scarred necks attractive, she herself was not one of them. She re-adjusted the necklace, and wobbled over to her four friends, sitting around the campfire.

Wait. Four?

She racked her mind, trying to come up with the right answer. But there is no such thing as a right answer, especially in math.

"Who is this dude?" She said, pointing to the Mystery Dude.

M. Cassie was quietly snickering to herself, while Ninja Edwards and the Mystery Dude were taking great pains not to look directly at each other.

M. Cassie looked at her two friends, and once she realized you could cut the non-existant sexual angsty tension with a lightsabre, she took it upon herself to introduce Ninja's Ex Boyfriend.

"This is Chester Mann." Chester had grubby, unkept brown hair, and a few days worth of stubble on his face. He had a large scar that cut through his left eyebrow, that continued to his cheek. His green eyes twinkled in the igloo, and if you stared long enough, one was brought back to Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields. And Magic. It was electric.

" 'ello, mate. how'er'ou?" He said with a thick accent, sticking out a grubby palm.

Megaladon inspected the hand carefully. She noticed he had a Union Jack ring on his middle finger.

"So, uh. Are you from the South?" She asked tentatively.

" Yes, mate!" Because everyone knows that New New England was relocated to South South Pole at the turn of the century.

She cautiously stuck her hand out to touch his.

It was Magic.

It was Electric.

Megaladon gazed into his eyes.

It was Magic.

It was Electric.

She felt giddy, and felt like she was floating. All she wanted to do was run away with this beautiful boy, and she always got what she wanted.

And Megaladon was hooked.

"So. How do you know..." She began, but she couldn't remember how to finish a sentence.

Chester's eyes turned grim. So did Ninja's.

Megaladon looked at the two of them, did the math, and was quickly slammed back to earth.

Math sucks.

"Why are you here?" She asked, carefully. It was like walking on thin ice, now that she knew the truth.

"I'm the only one on Mars that knows the way to The Lady. And since no one on earth wants to come forward and help," He sat up straight and puffed out his chest, "I flew down 'ere to wake 'er up!" He grinned. Ninja face-palmed. M. Cassie laughed.

"You know... The Lady?" Megaladon shook with suppressed happiness and joy.

"I do. I did, I mean, t'wos yea's ago, yes, but I know'er."

The galaxy trembled with supressed supression. The end was coming. Life was beautiful.

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 7)

Earth was a very different place than what it was one thousand years ago. No, nothing was completely underwater. That is because Global Warming doesn't exist. It never did, really. The world was completely covered in ice. The oceans froze over year ago, or perhaps it was Hell. But the specifics don't matter. The Earth changed when Justin Bieber was elected President of the World in 2018, which he later upgraded to Emperor of the World, a title he still holds today. His secret to long life? He eats his vegetables, kids. Along with the souls of virgins.

The group of renegades exited the Tube like Tube of the Galaxy Highway, and stood to reevaluate their old home. Most people in the Galaxy lived in squalor among the asteroid belt, the masochists lived on Mercury and Mars. Only the sissies lived on Saturn, And the sickos live on Uranus. Or, if people were lucky, they were able to find a spaceship to live on. For thousands of years. Many never experienced the pleasure of fresh air or water, only recycled farts and pee.

Megaladon herself had never been to Earth before. Neither had Cornelius. Megaladon was born and raised on the Moon, and as for Cornelius? Only he knows for sure, and he isn't spilling that secret any time soon.

Our hero stumbled onto Earth, and fell heavily. She tried to get up, but her arms were too weak. Her body wasn't used to the gravitational force of the Earths gravity, and she felt heavier than a Snorlax.

She sat up, and promptly vomited. She wasn't used to the fresh air. And then she passed out. She wasn't used to much of anything, for that matter. Cornelius went over to his fallen friend, and laid down next to her. HE was going through some difficulties. His horn receded into his head. Everyone knows the Earths gravitational field is too skiwampus for magic horns to work correctly. Which meant that no one would be able to hear him talk, because unicorn voices are made of magic and dreams, both of which were completely eradicated because of Emperor JB.

M. Cassie and Ninja Edwards both looked at each other, and at poor Megaladon with pity. And then they built an igloo to live in for the time being.

Once everyone was safely inside, M. Cassie and Ninja talked in hushed tones over the artificial fire.

"We have got to find Them." Said Ninja.

"Them? Them? But that is just a myth. A Legend. A Legendary Myth." M. Cassie pulled on her plaits.

"No. They are still around and well. I have seen them. Because-" Ninja looked back and forth to make sure no one was listening, "Because I used to date Him."

M. Cassie's eyes grew as big as the moon in the sky.

"Pirate?"

"Shh! Keep it down! Do you know how mortifying it is?"

"Well, they say opposites attract... semi colon end parentheses." M. Cassie smiled.

Ninja ignored her comment.

"Do you want to restore peace and freedom to the galaxy, or not?"

"That's what she said." Megaladon said groggily, in her sleep.

"So where do we find him?" M. Cassie asked.

"I think I have a pretty good idea of where he lives." Ninja said, heavy with sarcasm.

"Cold!" M. Cassie said.

And they sat closer to the fire, in silence.

We interrupt the story to bring you this special announcement:

I haven't forgotten the story. I have a ten page paper due on the 19th. Expect more from me after that.

Until then...

-A Pasal

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 6)

Weeks went by, and yet the Magikarp kept on growing weaker and weaker.

"Ninja Edwards was getting sick and tired of her Omanyte always having to use water gun, as it kept on knocking out the poor Pokemon. M Cassie was getting sick and tired pf having to heal the Pokemon multiple times a day. And Megaladon was getting sick and tired of using the only move Magikarp knew.

"C'mon, can't you use a cool move, like Hydro Beam?" Megaladon wailed.

"Karp?" Said the Magikarp.

"Surf?"

"Karp?"

"Heck, I would be happy with Bite."

"Karp."

Megaladon walked to the other end of the pond in anger. M Cassie and Ninja Edwards stood there awkwardly as Megaladon stormed off, and tainted the air with her colorful vocabulary. Magikarp followed her, and M Cassie tried to take a step forward before being stopped by Ninja Edwards.

"Don't. This isn't your battle. It won't do any good, anyways." She said.

M Cassie began to say something, but thought better of it. The she changed her mind and decided to say it.

"If only she knew how hard that Magikarp is trying, and how much he loves her..."

Ninja placed a hand on her shoulder.

"All in due time, my friend. All in due time."

---

"What are you looking at?" Shot Megaladon to the Magikarp. She sat on the rocky shore, throwing rocks into the water, and watching them sink. Every so often, she threw a rock at the Magikarp.

"C'mon. Do you know how embarrassing you are? How humiliating it is that I own a Magikarp?"

The Magikarp floated in the clear blue water.

"I mean, here I am, trying to beef up a Pokemon so I can overthrow the Emperor and restore peace and freedom to the galaxy, and what do I get? A Magikarp. A Ma-gi-karp. Karp Karp Karp. You getting this?" She cackled manically.

"But lets get realistic here. I bet you can't even understand me, because you are so stupid. And yet, here I am, talking to you. Maybe I am the stupid one, thinking I can save the galaxy."

She slumped and put her head in her hands.

"I mean, if you knew something other than splash... the most useless move in the universe. Can't you try to make me look better? I guess you can't, because you are the worst Pokemon EVER." She threw another rock at the poor Pokemon, hitting it straight between the eyes.

"You are so dumb. You can't even dodge a rock."

A change happened to the Magikarp. His eyes filled with rage, and something must have clicked, because the Magikarp jumped out of the water, flew into the air, and tackled Megaladon in the head.

"Oh. My. GOD!" She screamed. Ninja and M Cassie ran over to her, terrified.

"What happened? Are you hurt?" M Cassie screamed.

"This Pokemon. THIS MAGIKARP." Megaladon was turning red, except for her eye which was turning purple.

"What? What is wrong with the Magikarp?" Asked Ninja.

"THIS MAGIKARP LEARNED TACKLE!" Megaladon squealed, throwing the Magikarp up into the air, hugging it and kissing it.

"THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!" She was glowing.

M Cassie looked at Ninja, who nodded.

"It's time. C'mon, we are leaving." She said.

"Leaving?What do you mean? We can't go anywhere yet. I need more time! More practice!" Megaladon pleaded.

"It's time. Pack you saddle bags, we have a galaxy to restore!" Ninja repeated.

Megaladon thought hard, before she whistled for Cornelius.

"IT'S GO TIME!"

The girls high fived. It was on. Like Donkey Kong.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 5)

After the end of a very long week, M Cassie was almost to the end of her last thread.

It wasn't because Megaladon was a terrible guest, she sometimes helped with the chores. And Cornelius was a delight to have around, though the rose bushes seemed to be growing non stop. the smell was beginning to get to her head.

M Cassie was concerned about the egg, and what was inside of it. The little creature inside was destined for great things, yes, but it would take a while for it to grow into his status. M Cassie wasn't sure Megaladon had what it took to raise the poor creature. And she knew that she wouldn't take kindly to some help, she was somewhat stubborn. Like a locked exit door that wouldn't budge even though there was a major fire and people were trying to get out.

M Cassie made sure her guest was asleep (as usual, in the hammock) before she went up to her tree house to call for backup.

she pulled out her inter-outer extra-terrestrial space telephone, dialed the same 30 digits as usual, and called up Master Ninja Edwards, on of the top 15 secret Pokemon Masters in the Galaxy.

"Hello, Miss Edwards?"

"What up, C?" Ninja answered, with flair.

"I was wondering if I could ask your for a favor..." she lowered her voice. Megaladon was beginning to stir.

"A Pokemon one?"
"Yes! But not so loud. I was wondering if you and you Omanyte could help us beef us an extra special Pokemon. the little buddy is destined for great things!" she squealed.

"Well, what kind of Pokemon we talking 'bout here? the last Pokemon I had to beef up was a Zubat, and that took forever. Never again..." There was a hint of disgust in her voice.

"No, no, no! You don't have to worry about another silly ol' Zubat, this one is a different type!" M Cassie laughed.

Ninja sighed.

"It isn't a-"

"Yeah. I am afraid it is." M Cassie bit her lip.

"Please, can you help us?"

"I don't know. I mean-"

"Help me, Ninja Edwards. You're our only hope!"

Ninja swore colorfully over the line.

"I suppose... but you owe me BIG for this."

"Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Please come over as soon as you can!"

"Will do," said Ninja, from behind. She was a bit dizzy from the apparation, but other than that, she was looking as good as ever. She was looking as powerful as ever, too, in her black trench coat and her burgundy dress. Her eye patch was a deep blue, as always, and she wore her hair down. Her Omanyte was at her side.

"Must you do that every time?" M Cassie said, her face red and her body shaking.

"Must you call me every time to beef up a lame Pokemon?" Ninja retorted.

"Well-" M Cassie began, but was interrupted by Megaladon.

"Idon'tknowwhoyouarebutIamgoingtosayhianywaysbutImustinterruptbecauseMY. EGG. IS. HATCHING!" Megaladon screamed breathlessly, and held her cracking egg in her hand.

"Come ON! I can't wait to see you1 We are going to be best friends forever and I can't wait to see you in all of your glory!" She cooed as M Cassie and Ninja looked on uncomfortably.

And finally, the egg hatched. The Pokemon sat there in all of its glory.

"Oh, my-" Began Megaladon, but was swiftly interrupted by the Pokemon.

"Karp?"

"Oh, my-" she tried again, but her world was spinning, and before she knew it, the ground tilted and her body connected with the wooden floor.

"I think that went well," Ninja said.

"I'll get the broom," M Cassie said as she walked off to get the broom.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 4)

"The lasers. are they ready?" Said the cloaked figure menacingly.

"Yes, my master!" Said the servant to the menacing cloaked figure.

"Splendid, splendid." The cloaked figure got off of his chair and strode over to the window. The landscape of New York wasn't too different than what it was 1000 years ago, except for the Statue of Liberty was replaced by the Menacing Cloaked figures likeness. And that was they way he liked it, along with his minions, those millions of teenage girls who fell under his spell when he crooned his tunes so many times. He was a heart breaker back in the day, but things were different now. He removed his cloak and the servant gasped.

"Is something wrong?" Said Emperor Justin Bieber, his eyes flashing with pure hatred.

"No! No, my master! Nothing is wrong with you!" Said the servant. He had to divert his gaze. The blinding bald spot was rumored to turn people into stone if they looked directly into it, and he had to preserve himself! No way was he going to turn into stone. This was a good paying job, and it had some nice benefits. The vacations weren't half bad, either. One week off a year! Better than what the others fared. And that was only because he willingly came over to the Bieb-side.

"So how long will it take to attach the lasers to the Jigglypuffs??" Emperor Justin Bieber said, as he flicked his phantom hair around. Old habits die hard, apparently.

"Oh! Uh, not too long." Cowered the servant.

"How long will it take to attach the lasers to the Jigglypuffs?" The Emporer spoke a little louder now, a little angrier.

"a few..."

"A FEW WHAT?"

"Months?"

"WHAT? NOOOOooooWOOOOAAAHHHAYEAAAH" The Emperor yelled/sang. The servant gave a little whimper and fell to the ground, out cold.

The Emperor sighed. He had to control himself. Ever since he discovered that his hypersinging had the potential to have people do his bidding, life was never the same. Only one other person could cancel out his damage, and she was nowhere to be seen. her and her army, Monsters as she liked to call them, died out many years ago. He made sure that he would never see her blonde hair, or her wacky costumes ever again. Though there were legends, anyways. Terrible, gruesome legends. The legend that she could be summoned by the Chosen One...

He shuddered. But those were legends. Only legends. None of which were true. He smiled to himself.

"This is My World now..." He smiled. he grinned. He chuckled and laughed and whooped and hollered and coughed and sputtered and stopped. He had to save his voice. There were still some renegades out there, and he had to get them on his side, or else they could find that legendary creature...

But none of that was true. He walked over to his passed out servant, kicked him with his diamond toed shoe, and when he didn't rise, he moved on. Someone would pick up after the mess. Someone always did. He pulled on his cloak again, and swaggered out of the room to go and check on the Jigglypuffs. Those sweet, sweet Jigglypuffs.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 3)

The Gym was light years different from the interior of the musty interior of the Galactic Grub, It was like walking into an entirely different universe.

the Gym was a wide open area, well lit with chandeliers every few hundred feet or so. A small lake was at the opposite end of where the two were standing, with a small boat tied up to a dock, and there were two trees, with a hammock between them, along with an enormous treehouse, where M Cassie lived. A generous patch of grass was at the foot of the door, where Cornelius was grazing.

"Mff Mf Mfff!" Cornelius said, his monocle fogging up again.

"Oi, what's the matter with you, now?" Megaladon asked, sternly but with love.

"I said," Cornelius began as he swallowed the grass, "That this is the best grass I have eaten on this side of the galaxy!" A tear of joy rolled down his nose, and M. Cassie held a bottle underneath it.

"What are you doing?" Megaladon asked.

"Do you know how much unicorn tears go for? A lot. That is how much." M Cassie corked off the bottle, and slid it into her breast pocket.

"Hey! That should belong to me! It is my unicorn that is crying!" Megaladon shrieked as she attempted to grab the vial of liquid moolah. A short scuffle ensued, and before long, the bottle broke. The tears sank into the ground, and a small rose bush appeared, bearing the most beautiful roses ever seen to the girls. They admired its beauty a minute longer, before getting to the business at hand.

"So, uh. If you knew I had a Pokemon egg, then do you..."

"Of course I do." M Cassie snapped. "I know all."

"Then, do you think, maybe..."

"Gimme the egg."

Megaladon took the egg from the saddle bag of the now asleep Cornelius, who snored out a cloud of glitter contentedly, and passed the egg to M Cassie. She looked at the egg, examined every side and crook, looked at every small splotch of color and imperfection. She lightly traced over the edges, and lightly tapped on it an random places, as she said small phrases, such as "Hm." and "Ah," and "tut tut tut."

"So can you tell me what kind of Pokemon I have?" Megaladon hopefully asked.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that. It is against the code of Pokemon Whisperers such as myself. What if I told you this Pokemon were, say, a Meowth? Would you still love it?"

"Well, duh. Meowths are the shiz, yo."

"What about a Ratatta?"

"Well, those are slightly annoying, but I don't see-"

"Or a Magikarp?"

"OK. I see your point."

"I have seen so many undesirable Pokemon abandoned... because most people want the 'cool' pokemon, like Pikachu, or Squirtle, or-"

"Charizard?"

"Yes, exactly," M Cassie said with a far away look in her eyes. "I couldn't bear that happening to another pokemon!"

"OK. I promise I shall love and cherish my Pokemon, no matter how craptacular the power. Happy now?" Megaladon said impatiently.

"Well, when you put it that way, No. But I can tell you this- You will love your Pokemon. Eventually. And this Pokemon will love you too. Eventually."

"Thanks for the optimism. So when does this sucker hatch?"

Megaladon had numerous other questions to ask, like if it was good enough to destroy the swarm of Zombies led by Emperor JB. That JB was a tricky one, hypnotizing all those teen girls through his pop ditty's. The teen boys suffered the worst though, Attempting to like his music so that they can attract a female themselves. And the haircuts? Megaladon shuddered at the thought. There were some that were unaffected by the hypnotism. But not many. Pokemon were the only ones who could truly battle and defeat him, so it was important to have a badass powerful Pokemon, especially if you happened to be one of the integral leaders of the rebel alliance. she had to have a powerful Pokemon! And it had to be cuddly as well! The galaxy depended on it!

"So, like I said earlier before the author got lost on the back story, when does this sucker hatch?"
"I believe, it should hatch within the week or so. So make yourself comfortable, you may be here for a while."

"Will do!" Megaladon said. She was already in her sweatpants, and was making her way towards the hammock. "Oh, and I like my eggs over easy. With Bacon. Lots and lots of bacon. See you in the morning!"

M Cassie shuddered. This was going to be a loooong week.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 2)

Megaladon and Cornelius were flying on a rainbow through space at a speed not quite unlike the speed of light. Things were going smoothly. The space debris ring around Mars was looking better, ever since the previous government decided to use Titan as the solar system garbage center. The Moon was known as the solar system recycle center. But still, Space Punks (Or teenagers, as the 21st century called them) still littered excessively. Megaladon pulled out her new egg.

"What do you suppose could be in here?" She pondered to herself.

"A Pokemon!" Said Cornelius enthusiastically.

"WOW I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED." Megaladon yelled sarcastically.

"...Sorry. You asked, and you received." Cornelius looked sad.

"Are you alright?" Megaladon asked, worried. "Your monocle is fogging up."

"Wha-? No. Don't be silly. I, er, it is REALLY hot up here. You know. Solar System Warning."

And so it was. The pathways between the planets were each connected to tube-like tubes and those in turn were hooked up to artificial atmosphere machines, which were impermeable to most nuclear bombs and weapons of mass destruction,. Emergency escape pods were every 1 AU or so, give or take. It got hot up there sometimes, but nothing that a Unicorn and a Ninja couldn't handle.

The two of them headed towards the Asteroid belt, where all the seedy characters lived and stayed. But there was a specific Jedi she had to talk to, to help her hatch this egg of hers.

They arrived at their destination, a seedy little run down bar. before Darth JB and his army of Zombies took over the galaxy, it was the place to go to get all your galactic grub on. Which was why it was called Galactic Grub. As they touched down on the little asteroid, Megaladon took off her helmet and walked up to the grubby red door. She knocked 4 times in succession, paused, and knocked twice more. A panel disappeared from the door, and a bright eye covered in mascara and hope appeared.

"You got the password?" She asked quixotically.

"Klaatu. Barado. Nikto."

The eye was gone, and a number of locks were unlocked.

"Come this way! I have been expecting you! And please, bring Cornelius with you! Space can get chilly sometimes," Master Cassie smiled as she led Megaladon and Cornelius in through the grimy interior of the bar.

"I like what you've done with the place," Megaladon said as she sidestepped a broken chair.

"I know! It really throws the Galactic Police off our trail!" M Cassie gushed with pride. She wore a long white lab coat with well loved combat boots. Her red hair was braided into a long braid that ran halfway down her back.

"I understand you have an egg with you, am I correct?" M Cassie asked.

"How on asteroid did you find that out?" Megaladon asked, dumbstruck.

"I know all." M Cassie stopped in her tracks, and stared at Megaladon.

"I should've guesses... but can you help me?"

"Of course! I would never leave a ninja hanging. Or, you know, I could die. And the force would be in jeopardy, and the universe could explode."

"Yeah. That could happen."

There was silence. The two of them walked to the end of the bar, where a hidden door stood, hidden. M Cassie unlocked the door with her master key,

"You ready for this?" M Cassie warned.

Megaladon put on her sunglasses. "I was BORN ready."

M Cassie opened the door, and the duo entered The Gym.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 1)

(November is national Novel Month, where you write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Here is my contribution, where I will be periodically posting chapters throughout the month. So, without further ado, DIAL M FOR MEGALADON.)

Megaladon took off her motorcycle helmet and shook out her long, luxurious hair that cascaded out like the chocolate waterfall in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. She brushed the dust off of her denim jacket, and wiped a bug off of her leather pants. Yes, travel by unicorn was challenging, but it was the only way to travel. What was she going to do, travel by hovercraft? She laughed at her thought. She strode down the dark alley, with only her shotgun and a briefcase to keep her company. And her Unicorn, Cornelius.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, to walk down this dark alley... alone?" Cornelius whined, and shook his rainbow mane until glitter scattered the alleyway.

"Of course it is. I have a shotgun. I'm good" Megaladon said as she surveyed the alley. It was quiet.

Too quiet. She noticed the random graffiti on the grimy brick walls, (JB N ZOMBY 4 LYF) "misspelled." she muttered to herself. But she was not here to grade the graffiti; she only did that on weekdays, when she taught her fellow Ninja students English. Tonight was a Saturday, which meant school wasn't for a few more days. But no matter the day it happened to be that night, someone was definitely going to get schooled.

"All right, I know you are back here, Clyde. I can smell you. You smell like... garbage." Megaladon shouted.

"Real clever, my lady." Said Clyde. AKA The Garbage Man. he emerged from behind the shadows, his glasses illuminated in the moonlight. He wore a mechanics suit with a tie, as was his usual attire, and he held a small bundle in his hands. "Do you have my-"

"Yes, right here." She popped open the briefcase, and Clydes face was illuminated in red. "Holographic Charizard." Do you know how hard it it to find those? Do you have my-"

"Yes, my lady. Here is your egg." He handed her the egg, it trembled a bit in her hands.

"What type of Pokemon is it?" She asked, her voice quivering with excitement.

"Garbage men never tell." He laughed.

"Where did you find this?"

"You know the old saying," he said as he walked away.

"No, no I don't, actually" Megaladon said.

"Look it up. I will see you on the other side... of MARS!" He said as he vanished in a cloud of smoke that smelled faintly of boiled cabbage.

Megaladon held her egg in her hands, and looked around. Ever since Pokemon have been outlawed, vigilante Ninjas such as Megaladon herself have been quietly training in underground facilities, in order to overthrow the tyrannical rule of JB and his wicked army.

She put her shotgun away, and put the egg in the saddle bag. She tucked her hair into her motorcycle helmet, and climbed on Cornelius.

"Let’s make like thunder, and BOLT-" She yelled, and with a flash of light, Cornelius was off and running, with the tail of a rainbow behind her. Megaladon knew if she was going to train this Pokemon, no matter the type, she had to go to the master. And she knew just the one to go to...