Diaries, (or Dairys for they 8 and younger crowd, or Journals for dudes, or Captains Logs if you are Kirk) are forms of written documentation so that one may access previous encounters with their life. Diaries are also forms to show how awesome life used to be, before you screwed it up by spending countless hours in front of the Television, or... you know.
Diaries are also the more primitive forms of blogs. In fact, this blog, and my very own diary have something in common: There are two current readers (besides my co-star, Medan), myself, and my sister.
Diaries are a place to put down innermost secrets that no one should know about. Blogs are a place to put innermost secrets that are allowed to be shared with the world.
In most cases, these written logs are important to understand the culture that the writers are in. Which means that most entires are about how awful life is, and how moody you are, and how nothing will ever be the same. Because now, life is rolling foreward at a constant rate. Time stops for no one.
Not even Chuck Norris.
But I will discuss his faults at a later time.
Diaries are perfect for the brooding, moody beatnik in all of us.
Even you.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Glasses
Glasses are used for being able to see in various cases where it is impossible to do so. As in, you were born with poor eyesite, so you need glasses to see the board at school, so you will not fail later in life.
Or if you are a driver, So you don't veer off the road and take the lives of the righteous, as well as the wicked.
Glasses were not created as a visual means of fashion, but they certainly evolved into that indication. For those who are stuck with bad eyesite, they might as well be cool looking, as the glasses will be the first cranial accessory that one will see when they meet you.
Glasses were not meant to be treated as any other piece of jewelry. Some people just don't deserve to wear glasses.
I am talking about the Indie-Hipster-Douchebags who listen to "Indie" music, who ride their "bikes" everywhere to the local "coffee hut" because that is "the cool thing to do."
The hipsters who try hard, to make it look like they are not trying hard.
I am not criticizing the whole of the indie sub culture, I will get to that another day. But when a kid who has been making fun of me for wearing glasses since the fourth grade, suddenly appears with the latest dollar store glasses with the lenses punched out...
Do they really think they have earned any sort of street cred? Half my life, I have been wearing glasses. And for a majority of it, people would make snide remarks about my less than stellar vision.
"Wow, you must be blind."
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Wow, you look like Urkle/Velma/[Insert name of "geek"] "
or, my favorite:
"Floor Pies!"
The latter was a poor attempt at the practicle 'four eyes' approach. (If you ask me, THEY need the glasses if they believe I actually have four eyes) but he lisped his words together. Of course, I made fun of him for that until he cried.
Hey, I never said I was merciless. And it was the 5th grade. So sue me.
I choose not to wear contacts, because I do not want to sell out. And they burn my eyes. If you choose to wear contacts, that is your decision! Go for it! But if you wear contacts, and are wearing a pair of Ray Bans with the lenses pushed out, you lose all the credibility you ever had.
Which is none, you stupid indie kid.
Or if you are a driver, So you don't veer off the road and take the lives of the righteous, as well as the wicked.
Glasses were not created as a visual means of fashion, but they certainly evolved into that indication. For those who are stuck with bad eyesite, they might as well be cool looking, as the glasses will be the first cranial accessory that one will see when they meet you.
Glasses were not meant to be treated as any other piece of jewelry. Some people just don't deserve to wear glasses.
I am talking about the Indie-Hipster-Douchebags who listen to "Indie" music, who ride their "bikes" everywhere to the local "coffee hut" because that is "the cool thing to do."
The hipsters who try hard, to make it look like they are not trying hard.
I am not criticizing the whole of the indie sub culture, I will get to that another day. But when a kid who has been making fun of me for wearing glasses since the fourth grade, suddenly appears with the latest dollar store glasses with the lenses punched out...
Do they really think they have earned any sort of street cred? Half my life, I have been wearing glasses. And for a majority of it, people would make snide remarks about my less than stellar vision.
"Wow, you must be blind."
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Wow, you look like Urkle/Velma/[Insert name of "geek"] "
or, my favorite:
"Floor Pies!"
The latter was a poor attempt at the practicle 'four eyes' approach. (If you ask me, THEY need the glasses if they believe I actually have four eyes) but he lisped his words together. Of course, I made fun of him for that until he cried.
Hey, I never said I was merciless. And it was the 5th grade. So sue me.
I choose not to wear contacts, because I do not want to sell out. And they burn my eyes. If you choose to wear contacts, that is your decision! Go for it! But if you wear contacts, and are wearing a pair of Ray Bans with the lenses pushed out, you lose all the credibility you ever had.
Which is none, you stupid indie kid.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
El Speedo
First of all, Happy monthly bacon day! Remember to have bacon and be happy.
It is also A Pasal's half birthday. Hooray!
Our topic today however is incredibly serious. Today I will enlighten you to the grave, grave problem of the male and the speedo. Not the brand Speedo, but the man-bikini brief 'swim suit' that many males feel the need to inflict upon the population.
For a bit of history, I shall let you in on my philosophy that there are certain clothing articles that should require a license or permit to be worn, some of the items included are: mini-skirts, low rise jeans, tube tops, etc. The article most needing to be treated as a contolled substance however is the speedo brief.
For some odd reason, human males seem to believe that their attractiveness increases if they wear a speedo. The opposite is generally true however. Not only does the speedo overemphasize certain features, but it gives the unfortunate audience memories that will never fade of images they wish they had rather not seen.
Were speedos only worn by dishy guys, there would be little cause for complaint. However, most men who are of that calibre realize that the swim trunk is a much safer, generally more appealing option. Instead, it is the unwashed, wizened, non-dishy masses that tend to keep the speedo suit in business.
This is a grave insult to society explorers! Ban together and assist in the cause to require a permit for a speedo! Prevent speedo night-mares for children everywhere! Bring enlightenment to the masses!
Bring down the speedo!........er, you know what I mean.
It is also A Pasal's half birthday. Hooray!
Our topic today however is incredibly serious. Today I will enlighten you to the grave, grave problem of the male and the speedo. Not the brand Speedo, but the man-bikini brief 'swim suit' that many males feel the need to inflict upon the population.
For a bit of history, I shall let you in on my philosophy that there are certain clothing articles that should require a license or permit to be worn, some of the items included are: mini-skirts, low rise jeans, tube tops, etc. The article most needing to be treated as a contolled substance however is the speedo brief.
For some odd reason, human males seem to believe that their attractiveness increases if they wear a speedo. The opposite is generally true however. Not only does the speedo overemphasize certain features, but it gives the unfortunate audience memories that will never fade of images they wish they had rather not seen.
Were speedos only worn by dishy guys, there would be little cause for complaint. However, most men who are of that calibre realize that the swim trunk is a much safer, generally more appealing option. Instead, it is the unwashed, wizened, non-dishy masses that tend to keep the speedo suit in business.
This is a grave insult to society explorers! Ban together and assist in the cause to require a permit for a speedo! Prevent speedo night-mares for children everywhere! Bring enlightenment to the masses!
Bring down the speedo!........er, you know what I mean.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Beaver Duck
The infamous Beaver duck is unlike any other animal hybrid around. It is equal parts Beaver, and Equal parts duck. One may even say it is half/half.
The Beaver Duck can live in various places, ranging from your imagination, to Eastern Australia. It is unique in many different, unique ways. It is the only mammal to lay eggs instead of birthing live young, with the breeding season starting and ending June to October. Beaver Ducks often participate in polygamous lifestyles, so they may have come from various places in Utah as well.
The Beaver Duck has poisonous venom, located in the ankle spurs. Only the males have venomous ankle spurs, as the females do not need to be worried about getting into many physical fights, as they mainly use verbal attacks, much like any other female species. Males are much more prone to get into fights, as that is their macho behavior. Plus, it probably does help to score chicks if they look tough and menacing. The venom is not enough to kill any full grown human, but it might as well: If you were stung by a Beaver Duck, you might as well die from embarrassment.
Beaver Ducks find their food sources (smaller creatures, such as the shrimpy goodness of shrimp) by using electrolocation. Their sensory sensors are located in the skin of their bills, and it can be quite powerful. They can determine the direction of an electric source by moving his head from side to side. If you see this happen, the Beaver Duck is not merely listening to rap music (or certain super-jazz groups) but looking for his/her shrimp cocktail. Beaver Ducks spend about 12 hours a day looking for food. They dive in the water for up to 40 seconds at a time, and spend time out of the water in burrows made of roots or old tree trunks. Electrolocation + Venom also means another thing for the Beaver Duck: It is as close to a Pokémon as many are going to get in their ENTIRE LIVES. Unless you live in the Johto,
The Beaver Duck spends about 17 years of its life alive. The other years it spends dead. The beautiful creature is no where near being extinct, even after years of being captured for its fur. Those days are long gone. Trappers now make fur coats out of minks, and various other endangered species.
All in all, the Beaver Duck is a fascinating creature. It may very well exist, to prove that The Big Guy Up There has a fantastic sense of humor. Also, that Australia is a weird and crazy place.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
There were good cartoons once.
Nickelodeon used to be awesome when I was a kid. The greatest shows were playing at a near constant speed, and just about everything on there was comic gold.
There was Rugrats, before they decided to sell out by adding new babies to the formula.
We had Rocko's Modern life, with more sexual innuendos than a day at high school
There was the fabulous Angry Beavers, about... two very angry beavers.
And that isn't even the tip of the ice berg
All That is the reason I wanted to be a comedian, and work to the big time: SNL.
I could go on and on about the greatest 90s station, but there is simply not enough time for me to do this. I will devote every other Sunday into the finer points of Nickelodeon, before we had crap like iCarly, Barnyard, and the dreaded Spongebob Squarepants.
Life didn't always used to fail this miserably. There was a time where parents didn't care about the violence on an episode of Ren and Stimpy. Because now violence in cartoons will lead to violence in real life.
Yeah, right.
People have gotten too uptight about programming for kids. Who wants educational cartoons? If The Man is going to remove the good stuff for the kids, I say e remove the "reality" programs from every station EVER. Which means that MTV is out of buisness, but since that station is already a walking contradiction, it wouldn't be much of a problem.
The point is, thing were better.
And we all knew that.
-A. Pasal
There was Rugrats, before they decided to sell out by adding new babies to the formula.
We had Rocko's Modern life, with more sexual innuendos than a day at high school
There was the fabulous Angry Beavers, about... two very angry beavers.
And that isn't even the tip of the ice berg
All That is the reason I wanted to be a comedian, and work to the big time: SNL.
I could go on and on about the greatest 90s station, but there is simply not enough time for me to do this. I will devote every other Sunday into the finer points of Nickelodeon, before we had crap like iCarly, Barnyard, and the dreaded Spongebob Squarepants.
Life didn't always used to fail this miserably. There was a time where parents didn't care about the violence on an episode of Ren and Stimpy. Because now violence in cartoons will lead to violence in real life.
Yeah, right.
People have gotten too uptight about programming for kids. Who wants educational cartoons? If The Man is going to remove the good stuff for the kids, I say e remove the "reality" programs from every station EVER. Which means that MTV is out of buisness, but since that station is already a walking contradiction, it wouldn't be much of a problem.
The point is, thing were better.
And we all knew that.
-A. Pasal
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Have you heard about that new Religion......
Hello explorers!
In today's pop culture lesson we will be delving into 'alternative religion.' Alternative religions are opportunities for us all to find our true loves and have a forum in which to share them with others on a very personal level.
This week's featured religion: "The Holy Church of Bacon" aka "Baconism"
Baconism, like many religions has its own holy book, the aptly titled "Holy Book of Bacon" which includes The Five Baconic Laws, Salty Scrolls, and Fat Book among others.
There is a Bacon Political Party, as well as belief that all scientific discovery can be "boiled down to bacon."
To properly observe the religion of Baconism it is recommended that you participate in Monthly Bacon Day, (the third Tuesday of every Month).
We encourage you to find out more about Baconism by visiting: http://www.worshipbacon.com/wiki/Main_Page
there are also many blogs relating to bacon you can visit.
Bacon Be with you Brothers and Sisters
The Five Baconic Laws/Pillars
OR Baconmandments
1. Thou shalt not consider Bacon on the same level as any other food, as it is above all.
2. Thou shalt not consume imitation Bacon.
3. Thou shalt not stop pursuing Baconlightenment until it is reached.
4. Thou shalt not forget to consume Bacon for ten days.
5. Thou shalt spread the word of Bacon to all.
In today's pop culture lesson we will be delving into 'alternative religion.' Alternative religions are opportunities for us all to find our true loves and have a forum in which to share them with others on a very personal level.
This week's featured religion: "The Holy Church of Bacon" aka "Baconism"
Baconism, like many religions has its own holy book, the aptly titled "Holy Book of Bacon" which includes The Five Baconic Laws, Salty Scrolls, and Fat Book among others.
There is a Bacon Political Party, as well as belief that all scientific discovery can be "boiled down to bacon."
To properly observe the religion of Baconism it is recommended that you participate in Monthly Bacon Day, (the third Tuesday of every Month).
We encourage you to find out more about Baconism by visiting: http://www.worshipbacon.com/wiki/Main_Page
there are also many blogs relating to bacon you can visit.
Bacon Be with you Brothers and Sisters
The Five Baconic Laws/Pillars
OR Baconmandments
1. Thou shalt not consider Bacon on the same level as any other food, as it is above all.
2. Thou shalt not consume imitation Bacon.
3. Thou shalt not stop pursuing Baconlightenment until it is reached.
4. Thou shalt not forget to consume Bacon for ten days.
5. Thou shalt spread the word of Bacon to all.
Friday, January 15, 2010
'Quel Re
This is not merely an academic course (Where you earn the famous "internet points" for knowing something/pleasing us with your wit), it is also a place where one can see that they are NOT ALONE in this cruel, cruel world. Us true geeks are a dying breed, with imposters around every corner. We are the real deal. We know what we are talking about, as we were there to experience it. We will ultimately continue to know.
As long as there is a new TV show to geek out to.
As long as there is anything to do with a comic book.
As long as long is long.
Medan and I will be there for the ride.
Will you?
-A. Pasal
PS-All thoughts and opinions are of the writers ONLY. They do not reflect the ideas of the schools in the valley, our friends and enemies, though we may share similar interests. We are not trying to INFLUENCE anyone, but that may/may not happen.
You've been warned.
As long as there is a new TV show to geek out to.
As long as there is anything to do with a comic book.
As long as long is long.
Medan and I will be there for the ride.
Will you?
-A. Pasal
PS-All thoughts and opinions are of the writers ONLY. They do not reflect the ideas of the schools in the valley, our friends and enemies, though we may share similar interests. We are not trying to INFLUENCE anyone, but that may/may not happen.
You've been warned.
Welcome aboard explorers!
Welcome to your first lesson in AP Pop-culture! First, a bit about the instructors.
A Pasal was born before your time, yet is probably younger than you. She is also currently attending school at a continent. In her spare time she is often found investigating the best methods to cook microwave popcorn.
P Medan is yet to be and always is. She believes in being excellent to each other and often ponders the great question "what is the purpose of homework?" The answer has yet to be divined.
We look forward to instructing you in the way of the modern-day teen!
A Pasal was born before your time, yet is probably younger than you. She is also currently attending school at a continent. In her spare time she is often found investigating the best methods to cook microwave popcorn.
P Medan is yet to be and always is. She believes in being excellent to each other and often ponders the great question "what is the purpose of homework?" The answer has yet to be divined.
We look forward to instructing you in the way of the modern-day teen!
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