Laffy Taffy is terrible, in both candy form and joke form. Apparently the jokes are supposed to distract you from the overwhelming amount of corn syrup you are putting into your body, but it doesn't really do a very good job of it. Some people might find the particular candy an acceptable form of candy/joke fodder, but you could do so much better. Laffy Taffy is like the boyfriend (or girlfriend, but for the sake of this argument, we will stick with boyfriend) you had in high school before you went to college- He was always there, kind of bland and boring, yes, but he was comforting. And he told the worst jokes ever. And he was boring.
But you went to college to get a degree and a new life! You and your boyfriend promised to stay together forever, even though you and him went to colleges on the opposite sides of the world. But together forever is a promise, you say! And so it remained.
Until you met the boy who lived across the hall. He was tall, gorgeous, and had an accent that you couldn't quite put your finger on. He was smart, he was funny, he was (insert adjective here), he was everything you ever wanted in a man. Who are you going to choose? Laffy Taffy, or anything other than Laffy Taffy?
Exactly.
---
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence
Time to move. You can no longer live between Mr and Mrs Elephant, and Mr Lion. In fact, take a leap of faith and move away from Zoo Street altogether.
---
What does a car run on?
Wheels.
Fred Flintstone's feet.
---
Why did the reporter go into the ice cream shop?
He wanted to get the scoop.
Because the ice cream shop was actually an undercover mafia hotspot, known for selling MJ instead of IC. Also, because somebody was murdered there.
---
What did the boy chip say to the girl chip?
Let's dance and I'll dip you!
Potato potato potato potato.
---
Why did the farmer bury all his money?
To make his soil rich.
Because he thought he was a pirate. Also, because he was crazy.
---
What do you call an avid gardener?
Herb.
Mary Jane.
---
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?
A watchdog.
Kocker $paniel.
---
Why was it hard for the geometry teacher to walk?
She broke her angle.
Because one of her students pushed her down the stairs, because the student got a bad grade on their quiz.
---
What do you call a monkey who loves potato chips?
A chipmonk.
A homo sapien.
---
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts.
He was inside of the chicken.
---
Better? Not really. Worse? Not really.
But these jokes get better in time. Someday you will thank me.
No comments:
Post a Comment