Why Plants vs. Zombies is inaccurate

The very popular, and very addicting game, Plants vs. Zombies (PvZ) is an inaccurate representation of the upcoming Zombie apocalypse.

Is it because Pea Plants shoot peas which do damage, or Sunflowers produce droplets of sun, so that you can purchase more Pea Shooters?

No.

Is it because there are plants that produce money?

Of course not.

And it isn't even because tacos and slices of bacon go for 1000 bucks, because that will be totally true.

It is because zombies eat brains, not plants.

In fact, the only vegetables they would eat are the ones in wheelchairs.

That being said, PvZ is still the best game in the world.

PPR Takes it in the Woods

[WARNING]

This is the first portion of a new segment, Fan Fiction Friday. The following scene contains graphic sexual content between Power Rangers. Reader discretion is advised.]

Written By A Pasal and M. Cassie.

It was a sunny day and the Power Rangers finally had the day off. They decide to go on a picnic, but Kim (PPR) got lost from the rest of her PR friends when Tommy (GPR) slowly walked up to her, his body chiseled to perfection, and his hair blowing gently in the wind.

"You fought a hard battle last week, against Lord Zedd. But you seem really tense! Let me help you with that..." Tommy reached out his hand, caressing Kim's mask, and slowly started to pull it off.
"NO!" Kim protests "What if someone sees, what if Lord Zedd is near? That could put us both in danger!"
"Danger!? I laugh in the face of danger...ha.haha.hahaha"Tommy laughed, a light laugh that drifted away with the wind. "Fine. If you insist, I won't" Tommy said, starting to turn away.
"Wait..." Kim whispers, "We could keep our masks on...."

‎"Fine with me," Tommy said as he began to take off his jumpsuit.
"Tommy! What are you..." Kim exclaimed, but was cut short when Tommy gently pulled her mask up past her lips and planted a kiss on her face....

"Oh! Fuck this!" Kim gasped as she pulled back from the kiss. "Pull it off" she whispered into Tommy's ear.
Tommy pulled off Kim's mask and then his own. A smirk played across his face as he leaned in closer... "Go go Power Rangers!" He gasped, and leaned in again. Kim ran her fingers through his hair, pulling, grasping, tugging. Tommy moaned. The two of them tumbled to the ground, onto the silk blanket that was there the entire time.
"Are you ready for this?" Tommy asked, his eyes filled with lust and concern. ‎"More ready than you know" Kim exclaimed a little too loudly.
Tommy thrusted his hips and moaned " Oh I sure hope your ready for this stallion...."
"Question is.." Kim breathed heavily "Can you handle me...?"They explored each others bodies for a while, touching the delicate pieces of skin where the sun don't shine. Kim pulled back and traced her French manicured nails up and down Tommy's stomach. Tommy shuddered, even though it was like infinity degrees outside. Something was definitely transforming, Kim thought to herself, and she couldn't wait to dock his mecha-robot.

"Lets make this fun. . ." Kim said
"I thought we were having fun" Tommy whispered back sadly.
"Oh we are," Kim said tracing Tommy's body "I was thinking we kick it up a notch, and have Jason (Red Power Ranger) join us. . . "
"You are so hot right now..." Tommy said excitedly. ‎"But...I think we should save that for another time. I don't want to stress myself out too much though. I'm still a virgin." She blushed a delicious red, like a cherry pie.

"I always wanted wanted you to be my first." She said quietly, but with passion.

"You will not find passion in a forest," Tommy Said "There is too big of a risk of bugs flying up your butt."
Kim giggled at this "Then where...?"
"Tonight, my place, it will be special, and romantic and passionate..."
Kim blushed a deeper red "Yes! that sounds.." she thought for the perfect word.

"Amazingly perfect."
"Then it's a date." Tommy exclaimed with a smile, and leaned in once more.

Later that night...
Tommy paced in his room, thinking of the night to come ahead. Everything was perfect, his parents were out of town for the rest of the week, and his siblings were off at their respective sleep overs. They would have the entire night to themselves...

as he paced he became nervous, but in a good way. Tommy made sure that everything was perfect, clean sheets, clean room. He went through the check list in his head, everything checked off.

the door bell rang and he was quick to answer it.
"Kim!"
"Tommy!"
She walked though the front door, her seductive perfume catching his attention.
"Sorry I'm late" Kim started to explain.
"oh it's fine" Tommy replied
"I, I just didn't know what to wear." Kim sighed as she slipped off her long black coat letting it hit the floor reviling. . .

a short pink satin dress, that clung to her body. Tommy stood there, his eyes burning with lust and desire.
"Wow, you look, um..." He trailed off, and laughed nervously. Kim did too. Both of them stood there, taking in the situation at hand. "Lemme take your coat." He said as he took her coat and hung it on the nearby coat rack.
"So." Said Tommy.
"So." Said Kim.
"Shall we?" asked Tommy, holding out his hand.
Kimmy placed her small hand in his giant one.
"We shall..." They walked the short distance up the stairs and to his room.
"Goodness" Kim said "I hope you didn't go to all this trouble for me." she said eying the clean room that was Tommy's
"Oh, uh..."
"I like" she said walking over to the bed and sitting on it's clean comforter, the strap of her satin dress sliding off her shoulder, the rest of the dress hugging her body in all the right places. Tommy loosened his bow tie, and sat down next to her. They stared into each others eyes and saw the galaxies that laid behind. Tommy gulped, and brought his hand up to her face, and felt the cool, smooth, soft skin that was her cheek. She smiled, brought her hand up, and kissed his palm. Tommy leaned in close, and gave her a gentle kiss: one, two three, times. Kim moaned, and Tommy kissed her harder. Kim wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled at the perfection of the moment, this was it she thought.
"are you sure your ready?" Tommy asked
"Yes, I just don't want to get hurt" Kim replied
"I will never hurt you"
Kim smiled and kissed Tommy and she leaned back on the bed, bringing Tommy down with her. . . Tommy slowly removed the straps of her dress, while Kim loosened his bow tie, and began to unbutton his shirt, her fingers trembled, but she was determined. Once his shirt was open, she tugged on his belt. Something was stirring down there, and she grinned shyly. After a few more minutes, they were completely naked.
"Do you have..." She whispered.
"Yeah, of course." He stood up and walked across the room. Kim admired his body and the way it looked in the pale moonlight. Tommy reached the dresser and pulled out a condom from the top drawer. "Magnum, the gold standard" Tommy chuckled as he walked back over to the bed.
Kim lightly laughed " I don't think that's big enough!"
Tommy put it on, and with the ego boost Kim had provided him, he was ready. he slipped his hand under the small of her back as he lowered himself on top of her, there was a small moan from Kim, their eyes and bodies locked together. . . "On the count of three." Tommy whispered. "One..."
"Two," She countered...
"Three!" They said at the same time.
He was in her, and she cried out in pain, holding his neck, and ran her nails down his back. Tommy help her close, while rhythmically thrusted into her. The pain only lasted a minute, and then she felt waves of pleasure as Tommy moved rhythmically, his breathing was fast but even, and she found that it matched her own.
The night was perfect, Tommy leaned down and kissed Kim, he moved from her lips to her neck and chest, all with out stopping his thrusting movement, Kim could hear sighs and moans from Tommy, and he could hear Sighs and Moans from Kim. . . ‎"I think, I think I'm gonna..." She gasped.
"M-me too-"
And then they came together, at the speed of light. The angels sang, the fireworks exploded in the sky, and for one glorious moment, the world was at peace. Time

seemed to stop, nothing moved, all was at peace.
Their breathing slowed, Tommy moved so that he laid next to Kim, Her eyes were closed, and she was smiling.
"That was perfect" she whispered, letting the words drift in the air.
"It was" Tommy replied, moving closer to Kim.
"Can I stay. Stay the night?" Kim asked, her eyes glistening.
"Of course you can" Tommy happily replied.
"I'm so tire-" Kim began to say but before she could finished she was fast asleep, and soon Tommy followed her lead, and fell asleep too.

The next morning, Kim woke up and Tommy was nowhere to be found. She pulled on one of his t-shirts, and moved her way downstairs. Tommy was singing in the kitchen making breakfast.
"How do you like your eggs?" He asked.
"Unfertilized." She said dryly. Tommy stopped what he was doing, and stared at her.
"Kidding!" She said and went over to kiss him.
"I had a great time last night." She smiled.
And next week, my parents will be out of town, if you-"
Tommy grinned, and kissed her.
"Its a date!"

(The End?)

Happy Meals

The general public always seem to blame McDonald's and the like for increasing the likelihood of childhood obesity, what with the tasty food and cool toys. If you ask me, any kid willing to go into a restaurant where a clown might be lurking, deserves a Happy Meal.

A Conversation with my Broken iPod

Me: Hello, Broken iPod.

Bi: Wild Thing!

Me: Yes, but can you keep that down? I have appearances to keep up.

Bi: Such Great Heights...

Me: Your sarcasm is noted, and very much appreciated...

Bi: The Angry Mob!

Me: Where? Son of a-

Bi: Sun King.

Me: No. Anyways, you are broken, What gives?

Bi: Last Chance?

Me: No. No more chances. You have let me down before.

Bi: Ladies of the World.

Me: No! Wait, what are you talking about?

Bi: Why do I keep counting?

Me: so now its all my fault?

Bi: Sympathy for the devil.

Me: Really now? Really? After all we've been through. Do you have any last words before I just throw you out the window and call it a day?

Bi: One angry dwarf, and 200 Solemn faces.

Me: Where did that come from?

Bi: Everyday people.

Me: So I guess this is it, then. Goodbye, and good riddance.

Bi: (BLACK SCREEN)

fin.

Haiku Non Review

Haiku non-reviews- will not be very pretty. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

(Todays theme is from the popular Disney film, Mulan)

To defeat the Huns,

We must get down to business

And dress like a boy.

---

Who is this girl here,

I see in the reflection?

I should be a dude.

---

I have a dragon,

He is my guardian pet,

But he is tiny.

---

Cri-key is so cute

he reminds me of Pascal

and his little tongue.

---

Look down, then look up.

I am on a big black horse.

Sadly, you are not.

---

Girls worth fighting for,

will love me for who I am.

Just kidding! I'm fat.

---

Girls worth fighting for

won't be there after the war.

Forever alone!

---

The dark side of the moon

is super mysterious.

It's a mystery!

---

The little blossom

will turn into a big man,

but how does it work?

---

Here's your only chance

to bring honor to us all.

Please don't fuck this up.

---

Remember the doll

that Mulan found in the snow?

That was super sad.

---

Li Shang is a babe.

Too bad I look like a boy.

I will seduce him.

---

My only buddies

are fat, scrawny and ugly.

I'm a cross-dresser.

---

Yo momma's so fat

that the Great Wall of China

cannot contain her.

---

I dishonored you,

but I saved the emperor.

I should get high fives!

---

I will defeat you,

you macroscopical Hun

with my little fan.

---

If I were a boy

I would look like Mulan does

because she kicks ass.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 11)

Deep in the subconscious of the Earth, a Being was restless. A Being, who was asleep for almost half a millennium, give or take a century. A Being who took her time to get ready, because when she was awake, and set, beautiful things happened. When She was awake, the stars shone a little brighter, the air was a little bit cleaner, and the Monsters weren't as scary. But ever sine The Battle, she sunk deep into the crust of the Earth, never to be heard from again.

Sure, her teachings have been peppering the airwaves and the television screens for forever, it seemed, but no one had actually seen a fresh picture of her since her battle with the Emperor.

Things were about to change, drastically.

Lady GaGa does not fall of the face of the Earth that easily. She lives in the center, absorbing all empty souls. Lady GaGa IS the Earth, and now was the time to do some renovations, starting with the filthy rat with the terrible haircut. Her time was coming, little preparation was left. This week, history was going to be made.

All it takes to awaken the beast is a chant.