The Revealing of A Pasals sister

I am a mystery man who is the representative runner for my country for the Olympic Summer Games. I am extremely bad at running like a normal human. Instead, I like to shuffle about in a lunge position, but no matter what, I am a winner, because thats what the stats tell me, and because I'm the only one running the race (forever alone, I know). It is easier for me to back flip than to run. I seem to have muscular problems and am destined to fail. I have been around since 2008, yet a fine member of AP Pop Culture just discovered me, and can't seem to get enough of me. But hell, who can't? But who am I, you may or may not be asking. Well, I'll tell you who I am. I guess.

I

AM

QWOP

http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html

This has to be the best game that sucks as much as it is addicting, which is pretty rare for the internet. I challenge you to play this here game. If you win, you get an internet. No more. Now GO AND MAKE THE COUNTRY OF QWOP PROUD! The nation depends on you. And your inability to run without looking silly. Now have at it, but don't get too hooked. I would hate for you to blame your slacking on me.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 10)

Wikipedia Angelica walked out from behind the shadows, with a swagger in her step. Her swagger said, "I know everything in the world, and am not afraid to show it." Of course, her swagger couldn't speak, that would be ridiculous, but actions often speak louder than words. She wore a pair of thick rimmed spectacles that have been taped and re-taped dozens of times. Her right eye was magnified to the tenfold, and her left was obscured with a cracked lens. Her sweater, blue to match the icy walls of the tunnel, was slowly unraveling, and her black leggings were obviously loved and adored. She smiled as she greeted her new guests and visitors, a smile speckled with dimples.

"Welcome to The Ice Cave!" She said in a deep, soothing voice that matched her age.

"How old are you?" Asked M. Cassie.

"I am 403 years and 35 lunar days old." She pressed her lips together in a thin line.

"Don' look a day o'er 311!" Chester grinned. The cave erupted with laughter that echoed off the walls. An icicle fell off the top of the cave, and Wikipedia sidestepped it (LIKE A BOSS).

The group was quiet, taking in the beauty of their little group.

Megaladon looked around for a minute, before speaking up.

"I'm just going to ask the question that everyone else is asking, but is too afraid to say. But since I have no fear at all, I will just go out and say it. How do we defeat Emperor Justin Bieber, and restore peace and freedom to the galaxy?" Her voice puffed out from her body in excited whisps.

"Chester looked at Megaladon gravely, and turned to Wikipedia. "Go ahead, tell 'er. We've go' all the time in th' world, mate."

"Right. Get comfortable, everyone, this will take a while." Ninja said in a huff, and took some mats from the blanket pile in the corner that no one noticed until right now, and situated them around the fire that no one notice until now. The group sat down, and with wide, bored, and amused eyes (Megaladon & Cornelius, Ninja, and M. Cassie & Chester, respectively) looked up at Wikipedia.

"The Great Bieber apocalypse happened years ago, many years ago. Justin Bieber was running against Lady GaGa the great, in the year 2018. She won, by a large margin percentage of the votes. Bieber was not happy. He lost his hair, and went into hiding for years, four, to be exact. Within that time, The Lady reinstated peace and harmony to the world, and all was well. People stopped listening to Bieber, as his luxurious hair was gone, as was his voice. People lost all interest in him, and he vowed to make himself relevant again.

"He invited The Lady to his humble abode in East Hollywood, but she was never seen again. Bieber went to the Haus of GaGa, and declared himself President of the World in 2022. To those who disagreed with the controversial choice, he sent his army of Jigglypuff to enslave them, and to destroy them mentally. All hope was lost. But...

"There are rumors going around that The Lady is alive and well. No one knows exactly what went down in Biebers house, but there is no evidence that he actually killed her. Many believe she is sleeping somewhere, and when the time is right, she will arisen from her slumber and reclaim the throne that was rightfully hers."

Wikipedia stopped. The group looked on expectantly.

"How... How true are those rumors?" Megaladon asked.

Wikipedia looked grim "[Citation needed]" She said stiffly.

---

The Lady has been asleep for centuries by this point, over 403, to be exact. So how likely was it that she was still alive and well? Deep hibernations were only so deep, Megaladon thought to herself by the dying embers of the fire. The rest of her friends and Chester were asleep, but she was wide awake. She stroked Cornelius, and rubbed her Pokeball, the one that included Magikarp. she looked over at Chester, and looked away. She couldn't take him away, that was against girl code. Buts she felt like she had known him since the dawn of time... or at least for a few years, anyways. She was tired and cold, and she had more unanswered questions than Pokemon in the universe. But one thing was for sure, she thought with defiance. She WOULD find The Lady, Citations or not.

A Pasal Reviews a Movie Scene! (Pt. 1)

In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 (Or HPDH7.5, take your pick), there is a particularly well done nude scene. I am not talking about when Harry dives into the pond to get the sword of Gryffindor, or when there are 7 Harry Potters mainly in their skivvy's, or when Harry is zipping up Ginny Weasleys dress. Those show some beautiful snippets of skin, yes. Some very, very VERY pretty pieces of flesh, indeed. But none of those quite compare to the Horcrux Scene, where Harry and Hermione, partake in one of Ron Weasleys biggest fears: Hot, naked, and making out.

The scene was extremely well done and tasteful, as far as hot, naked, make out scenes go. When I got home, I had to re-read the chapter in question to make sure they actually were naked, and not naked for Hollywood sake. And sure enough, it was/wasn't. Sure, it never said they weren't naked, but more importantly, it never said that they were. I see what you did there, Hollywood. Thinking you could use sex to sell a movie that no one would go and see anyways, because as far as I know, people don't really like HP. They prefer vampires. Maybe if someone were to mix the two together, they could create a beautiful fan fiction loved and adored by all.

The effects in the scene were brilliantly executed. Their skin, flawless, shining, and creamy, brought many an audience to their knees. And in the weeks to follow, probably the bathroom.

And the emotion! The raw, unadulterated emotion! You can't see that in cinema, kids.

Well, maybe you can.

All in all, I award this scene 6/7 Horcurxes, losing a point for the brief, awkward laughter in the theatre, and for all of those who would have rather seen Harry/Ginny or Hermione/Ron. But for those who thought the match was a match made in /fiction history, I award you 7/7 Horcruxes. That is enough to purchase one (1) internet.

Go wild, HP!

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 9)

The Emperor awoke with a jagged headache, and what was left of his hair a perfect wreck. He stumbled out of his lavish bed into his bathroom commode, to the bathroom mirror. He peered into it, admiring his reflection, until he saw the heavy purple baggage under his eyelids, and the frown marks that lined his mouth and eyes, His face looked like a road map now, of a large city, with hundreds of roads leading to nowhere. He groaned, and rubbed his eyes with his fists, and closed his eyes tightly. He was getting too old for this, he thought to himself. He looked deeply, further.

"I feel a great disturbance in the force." He muttered under his breath. There were renegades among him, he knew, and that at any moment they had the power and the ability to betray him. He had to hold out a little longer, just a little bit longer, until-

Until what? He was old and boring? Never. He aged well, he believed. He was more of a fine wine than, say, a loaf of moldy bread. He aged decently, and he looked quite handsome, but the last 18 or so years were finally catching up to him. His regret of losing what was once so near and dear to him was getting harder to forget. He needed this last, final victory. The Lady was still alive and well out there, and there was no room for the two of them in this galaxy. Once he defeated her, he could die happy. And maybe, he could find what he had lost so many years before.

---

The group of renegades had long abandoned the little igloo in search of the rebel fort. The Arctic Goats tromped on through the snow, while Cornelius pranced and frolicked through the snow with grace and wonder. Even though he had lost most of his magic by being on Earth, he never forgot who he was, or where he came from. Megaladon gripped his mane tightly, and was trying hard not to laugh too much. This was a serious situation, indeed- what with the upcoming battle and all.

"How much further?" She yelled behind her, to the rest of her friends. "I think Magikarp is getting pretty antsy being in his pokeball, and all. I mean, he hasn't used Tackle in like, a million years!"

"Eh, not too long, now. I'd say, eh, 'bout- now!" Chester yelled out as he came to a tight halt at a long flag pole marked with nothing, except for a small red button protruding from the pole.

M. Cassie and Ninja led the goats around the pole, while Megaladon as hard as she could to suppress her giddiness.

Chester pressed the button a number of times, in typical morse code fashion:

- .... . | --. .- -- . 

The ground shook and quook and the ground sunk at a steady rate.

down down down they went, deep into the treacherous black of the ground. the sky was but a pin prick in the sky, when they settled at the bottom. A small figure walked towards them, shrouded in shadow and mystery.

"Who is that?" Megaladon shivered.

"'Tis a new character, mate! 'er name is Wikipedia Angelica."

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 8)

The next morning, or afternoon, (you never could tell these days, the heavy clouds made everyday seem like the first day. (of something)) Megaladon woke up. She was getting used to this, whatever this was. She rubbed her neck. Her shark tooth was making intense patterns in her skin, and though many would find bloody and scarred necks attractive, she herself was not one of them. She re-adjusted the necklace, and wobbled over to her four friends, sitting around the campfire.

Wait. Four?

She racked her mind, trying to come up with the right answer. But there is no such thing as a right answer, especially in math.

"Who is this dude?" She said, pointing to the Mystery Dude.

M. Cassie was quietly snickering to herself, while Ninja Edwards and the Mystery Dude were taking great pains not to look directly at each other.

M. Cassie looked at her two friends, and once she realized you could cut the non-existant sexual angsty tension with a lightsabre, she took it upon herself to introduce Ninja's Ex Boyfriend.

"This is Chester Mann." Chester had grubby, unkept brown hair, and a few days worth of stubble on his face. He had a large scar that cut through his left eyebrow, that continued to his cheek. His green eyes twinkled in the igloo, and if you stared long enough, one was brought back to Penny Lane and Strawberry Fields. And Magic. It was electric.

" 'ello, mate. how'er'ou?" He said with a thick accent, sticking out a grubby palm.

Megaladon inspected the hand carefully. She noticed he had a Union Jack ring on his middle finger.

"So, uh. Are you from the South?" She asked tentatively.

" Yes, mate!" Because everyone knows that New New England was relocated to South South Pole at the turn of the century.

She cautiously stuck her hand out to touch his.

It was Magic.

It was Electric.

Megaladon gazed into his eyes.

It was Magic.

It was Electric.

She felt giddy, and felt like she was floating. All she wanted to do was run away with this beautiful boy, and she always got what she wanted.

And Megaladon was hooked.

"So. How do you know..." She began, but she couldn't remember how to finish a sentence.

Chester's eyes turned grim. So did Ninja's.

Megaladon looked at the two of them, did the math, and was quickly slammed back to earth.

Math sucks.

"Why are you here?" She asked, carefully. It was like walking on thin ice, now that she knew the truth.

"I'm the only one on Mars that knows the way to The Lady. And since no one on earth wants to come forward and help," He sat up straight and puffed out his chest, "I flew down 'ere to wake 'er up!" He grinned. Ninja face-palmed. M. Cassie laughed.

"You know... The Lady?" Megaladon shook with suppressed happiness and joy.

"I do. I did, I mean, t'wos yea's ago, yes, but I know'er."

The galaxy trembled with supressed supression. The end was coming. Life was beautiful.

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 7)

Earth was a very different place than what it was one thousand years ago. No, nothing was completely underwater. That is because Global Warming doesn't exist. It never did, really. The world was completely covered in ice. The oceans froze over year ago, or perhaps it was Hell. But the specifics don't matter. The Earth changed when Justin Bieber was elected President of the World in 2018, which he later upgraded to Emperor of the World, a title he still holds today. His secret to long life? He eats his vegetables, kids. Along with the souls of virgins.

The group of renegades exited the Tube like Tube of the Galaxy Highway, and stood to reevaluate their old home. Most people in the Galaxy lived in squalor among the asteroid belt, the masochists lived on Mercury and Mars. Only the sissies lived on Saturn, And the sickos live on Uranus. Or, if people were lucky, they were able to find a spaceship to live on. For thousands of years. Many never experienced the pleasure of fresh air or water, only recycled farts and pee.

Megaladon herself had never been to Earth before. Neither had Cornelius. Megaladon was born and raised on the Moon, and as for Cornelius? Only he knows for sure, and he isn't spilling that secret any time soon.

Our hero stumbled onto Earth, and fell heavily. She tried to get up, but her arms were too weak. Her body wasn't used to the gravitational force of the Earths gravity, and she felt heavier than a Snorlax.

She sat up, and promptly vomited. She wasn't used to the fresh air. And then she passed out. She wasn't used to much of anything, for that matter. Cornelius went over to his fallen friend, and laid down next to her. HE was going through some difficulties. His horn receded into his head. Everyone knows the Earths gravitational field is too skiwampus for magic horns to work correctly. Which meant that no one would be able to hear him talk, because unicorn voices are made of magic and dreams, both of which were completely eradicated because of Emperor JB.

M. Cassie and Ninja Edwards both looked at each other, and at poor Megaladon with pity. And then they built an igloo to live in for the time being.

Once everyone was safely inside, M. Cassie and Ninja talked in hushed tones over the artificial fire.

"We have got to find Them." Said Ninja.

"Them? Them? But that is just a myth. A Legend. A Legendary Myth." M. Cassie pulled on her plaits.

"No. They are still around and well. I have seen them. Because-" Ninja looked back and forth to make sure no one was listening, "Because I used to date Him."

M. Cassie's eyes grew as big as the moon in the sky.

"Pirate?"

"Shh! Keep it down! Do you know how mortifying it is?"

"Well, they say opposites attract... semi colon end parentheses." M. Cassie smiled.

Ninja ignored her comment.

"Do you want to restore peace and freedom to the galaxy, or not?"

"That's what she said." Megaladon said groggily, in her sleep.

"So where do we find him?" M. Cassie asked.

"I think I have a pretty good idea of where he lives." Ninja said, heavy with sarcasm.

"Cold!" M. Cassie said.

And they sat closer to the fire, in silence.

We interrupt the story to bring you this special announcement:

I haven't forgotten the story. I have a ten page paper due on the 19th. Expect more from me after that.

Until then...

-A Pasal