Romance Novels from Wal-Mart: A Book Review

I bought a romance novel at Wal-Mart the other day, solely because I felt that all girls should read a romance novel at least once in their lives. Or because I felt that in order to fully be a female, I had to read one. This, I learned, is not a very good answer. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I browsed the aisles up and down for the perfect book.

On a different, side note, did you know that Wal-Mart has an entire aisle reserved for romance novels? And not one of them involved a picture of Fabio.

After much debate, I finally settled on this beauty. The title says it all: Delectably Undone! Notice the use of the exclamation point! And the beautiful script! I knew I held a treasure. And the price was unbeatable, even by Wal-Mart standards. But the best part? There were 5 different stories. 5 stories! It was like I found the bible of romance novels. But could I judge a book solely on the cover?

Well, there was a naked woman on it. So I can't be too far off.

At this point, I should probably mention I was expecting a romance novel. And by my definition of a romance novel, I mean that there was a lot of love in it, as in, falling in love, maybe some kissing or holding hands, a lot of tragedy. That kind of romance. I didn't realize that there would be sex in it. A lot of sex. So if you do not want to read about sex, read no further.

You have been warned.

There were 5 different stories, as i have mentioned earlier, but for the sake of this post, I will only review one of the stories, so that you may enjoy the other ones at your leisure.

Here is the plot summary of The Captain's Wicked Wager, by Marguerite Kaye:

Captain Ewan Dalgleish makes Isabella Mansfield a scandalous wager: In return for the money she needs, she must spend three nights with him...

That is the end of the plot summary of The Captain's Wager, by Marguerite Kaye.

Judging the book on the summary, it looks and sounds pretty lame. Ewan and Isabella is too close to my comfort zone, especially since she goes by (spoiler!) Belle later on in the story. Ewan and Belle. Belle and Ewan. Also, Ewan has the most amazing last name in the world. It was like the author was playing Scrabble from a set she bought from the thrift store, and she forgot how to spell "Dog Leash". I don't even know if that is how the word is supposed to be pronounced, but I couldn't think of a better sounding way. Dal-G-Leash? Dally? I give up.

The story is 51 pages. Sex happens about 6 pages in. There is no real sexual tension. At all.

The "story" is that Belle is more or less a compulsive gambler, who has no money to pay for the gambling that she does. Dog Leash comes in and says that he will pay her debt if he comes home with her for three nights. She agrees. She is not afraid of getting sexually assaulted or perhaps being mauled and made into a skin suit, which makes me think that she does this all the time. The sex is pretty standard. I won't go into describing any of the acts, because I feel that takes away from the heart and soul of the story, and I don't want to give anything away, now, do I?

Here are some choice quotes:

"She was not Isabella Stripped, she was Belle revealed."

"She wanted to touch it."

"'[Belle] will join me in garden after breakfast. You can wear my sister's clothes.'"

"One. That is how they ended. And that is how they began."

We have a real Pulitzer prize winner here, folks. The rest of the book is written by a variety of other women, and their stories involve Vikings and Samurais.

Is this book for everybody? No.

Do I feel like a woman for reading it? No.

Guess I need to read some more.

A Pasal Reviews a Movie Scene! (Pt. 1)

In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 (Or HPDH7.5, take your pick), there is a particularly well done nude scene. I am not talking about when Harry dives into the pond to get the sword of Gryffindor, or when there are 7 Harry Potters mainly in their skivvy's, or when Harry is zipping up Ginny Weasleys dress. Those show some beautiful snippets of skin, yes. Some very, very VERY pretty pieces of flesh, indeed. But none of those quite compare to the Horcrux Scene, where Harry and Hermione, partake in one of Ron Weasleys biggest fears: Hot, naked, and making out.

The scene was extremely well done and tasteful, as far as hot, naked, make out scenes go. When I got home, I had to re-read the chapter in question to make sure they actually were naked, and not naked for Hollywood sake. And sure enough, it was/wasn't. Sure, it never said they weren't naked, but more importantly, it never said that they were. I see what you did there, Hollywood. Thinking you could use sex to sell a movie that no one would go and see anyways, because as far as I know, people don't really like HP. They prefer vampires. Maybe if someone were to mix the two together, they could create a beautiful fan fiction loved and adored by all.

The effects in the scene were brilliantly executed. Their skin, flawless, shining, and creamy, brought many an audience to their knees. And in the weeks to follow, probably the bathroom.

And the emotion! The raw, unadulterated emotion! You can't see that in cinema, kids.

Well, maybe you can.

All in all, I award this scene 6/7 Horcurxes, losing a point for the brief, awkward laughter in the theatre, and for all of those who would have rather seen Harry/Ginny or Hermione/Ron. But for those who thought the match was a match made in /fiction history, I award you 7/7 Horcruxes. That is enough to purchase one (1) internet.

Go wild, HP!