I just ingested 20 pixy stix and saw God.

I just ingested 20 pixy stix, 16 of which were cherry because my friend does not like cherry pixy stix. She one snorted an entire line of them for 20 dollars, though, so I don't blame her for not liking them anymore.

Anyways, I didn't set out to see God. I don't think anybody really has that sort of mentality or goal. What a weird goal, right? "Oh, I wonder if I eat enough of [food], I will talk to God, or become Lady Gaga." One of which is impossible. The other actually happened. I saw God a few minutes after I ate the last stick of magic. I was walking home at the time, in the dark. The streets got quiet. My footsteps slowed down to a steady trot. The lights in the houses started to dim. It was a typical Saturday Night. When I turned the corner to my house, God was sitting on my front porch, on the 14th step. Just chilling.

"Hello, Amber." God said, his voice deep and smooth against my ears.

"Hello, God." My voice deep and low against the cool wind. "So what brings you to this little side of the world?"

"We need to talk."

"Um, OK!" I said brightly. If God wants to talk, you better damn well listen to every word he has to say.

"As you know, today is the 21st." He stood up and started to walk down my stairs towards me, His long white beard blowing in the faint breeze. He stopped when he was about a foot from me. He was a lot shorter than I imagined, mainly because I imagined him to be a giant cloud. Or a dragon. But he was only a couple of inches taller than me. And he was a man, as far as I could tell. I couldn't bring myself to look at his face just yet, because I was afraid of turning into stone. And who wants to be a statue for your entire life? I looked around, just to make sure nobody else was watching this meeting go down. And to give myself something else to look at besides Him.

"Yes, I know that today was the 21st. Aren't you supposed to be up... there... to sort through those who have been raptured, and all that?" I asked innocently.

God laughed a hearty, booming laugh that filled the sky with lightning and thunder.

"You actually believed that the rapture was today? Oh me, who told you that?"

"Well, there was this one crazy religious guy-"

"My child, you have to be more specific than that. The world is full of crazy religious people."

"Well, then. Why do you allow that?"

God paused, and took a deep breath. A cool breeze rustled the leaves in the trees. All was silent.

"Because- You know how there are people out there that... fancy you? And you want nothing to do with them because they are creepy and slightly off? And you are too polite to actually tell them to Fuck off, but you know that they are going to the special part of the psych ward anyways when they die?"

"Um, I think you lost me."

God sighed again. "This isn't why I am down here. I need to ask you to do a favor." He placed his hand on my shoulder. It was warm, strong, and terrifying.

"Oh, no. I am not falling for that one, Mr. God-"

"God is fine."

"OK, God. Anyways, I am not falling for that one again, because I don't want to lead any revolutions, because I know how all of THOSE end."

"No, that is not the reason I am here. Not now, anyways. You are not old enough. Anyways, I was wondering if I could borrow your Wii. I broke mine."

"What the hell, God. You want to borrow my Wii? Why can't you fix your own?"

"Because the pixy stix are wearing off, my child. But until the next time..." I looked at him this time, because I knew I wouldn't have a chance to see him again any time in the near future. His eyes were brown, and his face was white and pale. Before I knew it, he blended in with the sky, and I woke up on the front lawn because the sprinklers turned off. I walked inside, but not before taking another look at the moon. The wind blew, and I ran inside. I knew that I would be seeing Him again someday, maybe sooner, maybe later. But eating pixy stix would not be the way to go about that.

The Moral of this story: Pixy Stix. Not even once. Also, never let God borrow your Wii, because you will probably never see it again. And I was just getting the hang of Twilight Princess.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 12)

"Today is the day."

"Wha..?" Megaladon grumbled. She was never very good at waking up early. At least, she figured it was early. She didn't really know at this point anymore, being stuck in an ice cave since December makes it kind of hard to figure out the difference between the morning and the night. No matter what time it was, Megaladon was groggy and tired.

The crew of renegades have been busy training themselves, along with other members of the galaxy who wanted a change. Their crew grew to quite an astounding number, at least 300 or so. But was this going to be enough? Nobody knew the exact number of the zombie crew, and there were thousands of others in hiding as well, who didn't really want to get involved in the battle if death was going to be involved. But they sent their wishes for the best with interstellar fruit baskets, which was good enough for them. This meant that they didn't need to worry about their meals while they were underground. Which only added to the confusion as to what time it was. Fruit for every meal defeats the purpose of Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, and every small meal in between. But they were busy raising and breeding the illegal pokemon to create the ultimate fighting team, so that was enough.

"Today is the day." M Cassie repeated again, her rosy face poking out of her heavy parka.

"The Lady is going to rise today." she said, her eyes twinkling.

"How..." Megaladon replied, still half asleep.

"How do I know? Well, do you miss the sun?"

"Well, yea-"

"Then it is time." M Cassie stood up, and walked to the other tents in the cave, waking up the rest of the renegades. Megaladon took a moment to compose herself, before she finally got up and out of the tent. She breathed a heavy sigh, before releasing her Magikarp and called over Cornelius.

"You two... I just want to say how proud I am of you two. I know that we have had some problems in the past, but that I-" She sniffed, and held back a sob.

"S'allright, my friend. You don't have to say a word." Cornelius said, and nuzzled her a bit.

Megaladon smiled.

"You are all right." She brushed back Cornelius's hair, and gave him an apple to munch on, before walking away to compose herself, as Chester slowly walked up towards her.

To say that there was something between the two of them was a complicated subject. They tried to hide their feelings somewhat, but you could still cut the sexual tension between the two of them with a chainsaw. But they still tried to keep to themselves, so as not to create any further sexual tension. This, of course, is the absolute opposite thing that one should do if they are in love with somebody. The feelings will only multiply profusely until everybody know what is going on between the two of you.

"So, this migh' be it, Little lady" Chester said grimmly.

"From what I have heard, yes. But I can't continue living like this! In an ice cave! Underground! I haven't had bacon in months, and this ends now!"

Chester laughed.

"What Why are you laughing? Do you not know of the imminent danger we are about to face? We might die, and you are laughing!"

Chester stopped, and tried to get a word in edgewise, but Megaladon wouldn't allow it.

"I will not stand for this. I am going to live free, or die hard. I am going to set a great example for every small ninja pokemon warrior girl out there who is afraid to show her feelings! I will-"

Chester didn't say anything, but his lips certainly were trying to. Or so Megaladon thought, because that is what they felt like on her own lips. She tried to protest, but instead contributed to the strange language of the kiss by reciprocating her own message to him. One that said 'I love you, but...'

"I can't." She pulled away, looked at him deeply in the eyes, and walked away before her feelings got the better of her again. She couldn't do this to her friend, Ninja Edwards, she couldn't! And she wouldn't allow herself to become attached to somebody of he or she were going to die, possible. Chester was right behind her, trying to talk some sense into her.

"I can't Don't you see? We can't do this, it will only cause problems for us later on down the road." Megaladon firmly stated.

"But-But wouldn' you rather be together now, than wonder wha' it could've been? I know you're afraid, an' I know that this is complicated, to be hones', but isn' this easier than tryin' to deny it 'll? Besides, all we have is now." Chester looked her deep into the eyes, and she kissed him, squarely on the forehead.

"Not now. Maybe after all of this is over, but not now." She looked at him with determination burning in her eyes. "We have a war to win."