The Revealing of A Pasals sister

I am a mystery man who is the representative runner for my country for the Olympic Summer Games. I am extremely bad at running like a normal human. Instead, I like to shuffle about in a lunge position, but no matter what, I am a winner, because thats what the stats tell me, and because I'm the only one running the race (forever alone, I know). It is easier for me to back flip than to run. I seem to have muscular problems and am destined to fail. I have been around since 2008, yet a fine member of AP Pop Culture just discovered me, and can't seem to get enough of me. But hell, who can't? But who am I, you may or may not be asking. Well, I'll tell you who I am. I guess.

I

AM

QWOP

http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html

This has to be the best game that sucks as much as it is addicting, which is pretty rare for the internet. I challenge you to play this here game. If you win, you get an internet. No more. Now GO AND MAKE THE COUNTRY OF QWOP PROUD! The nation depends on you. And your inability to run without looking silly. Now have at it, but don't get too hooked. I would hate for you to blame your slacking on me.

Dial M for Megaladon (Ch. 10)

Wikipedia Angelica walked out from behind the shadows, with a swagger in her step. Her swagger said, "I know everything in the world, and am not afraid to show it." Of course, her swagger couldn't speak, that would be ridiculous, but actions often speak louder than words. She wore a pair of thick rimmed spectacles that have been taped and re-taped dozens of times. Her right eye was magnified to the tenfold, and her left was obscured with a cracked lens. Her sweater, blue to match the icy walls of the tunnel, was slowly unraveling, and her black leggings were obviously loved and adored. She smiled as she greeted her new guests and visitors, a smile speckled with dimples.

"Welcome to The Ice Cave!" She said in a deep, soothing voice that matched her age.

"How old are you?" Asked M. Cassie.

"I am 403 years and 35 lunar days old." She pressed her lips together in a thin line.

"Don' look a day o'er 311!" Chester grinned. The cave erupted with laughter that echoed off the walls. An icicle fell off the top of the cave, and Wikipedia sidestepped it (LIKE A BOSS).

The group was quiet, taking in the beauty of their little group.

Megaladon looked around for a minute, before speaking up.

"I'm just going to ask the question that everyone else is asking, but is too afraid to say. But since I have no fear at all, I will just go out and say it. How do we defeat Emperor Justin Bieber, and restore peace and freedom to the galaxy?" Her voice puffed out from her body in excited whisps.

"Chester looked at Megaladon gravely, and turned to Wikipedia. "Go ahead, tell 'er. We've go' all the time in th' world, mate."

"Right. Get comfortable, everyone, this will take a while." Ninja said in a huff, and took some mats from the blanket pile in the corner that no one noticed until right now, and situated them around the fire that no one notice until now. The group sat down, and with wide, bored, and amused eyes (Megaladon & Cornelius, Ninja, and M. Cassie & Chester, respectively) looked up at Wikipedia.

"The Great Bieber apocalypse happened years ago, many years ago. Justin Bieber was running against Lady GaGa the great, in the year 2018. She won, by a large margin percentage of the votes. Bieber was not happy. He lost his hair, and went into hiding for years, four, to be exact. Within that time, The Lady reinstated peace and harmony to the world, and all was well. People stopped listening to Bieber, as his luxurious hair was gone, as was his voice. People lost all interest in him, and he vowed to make himself relevant again.

"He invited The Lady to his humble abode in East Hollywood, but she was never seen again. Bieber went to the Haus of GaGa, and declared himself President of the World in 2022. To those who disagreed with the controversial choice, he sent his army of Jigglypuff to enslave them, and to destroy them mentally. All hope was lost. But...

"There are rumors going around that The Lady is alive and well. No one knows exactly what went down in Biebers house, but there is no evidence that he actually killed her. Many believe she is sleeping somewhere, and when the time is right, she will arisen from her slumber and reclaim the throne that was rightfully hers."

Wikipedia stopped. The group looked on expectantly.

"How... How true are those rumors?" Megaladon asked.

Wikipedia looked grim "[Citation needed]" She said stiffly.

---

The Lady has been asleep for centuries by this point, over 403, to be exact. So how likely was it that she was still alive and well? Deep hibernations were only so deep, Megaladon thought to herself by the dying embers of the fire. The rest of her friends and Chester were asleep, but she was wide awake. She stroked Cornelius, and rubbed her Pokeball, the one that included Magikarp. she looked over at Chester, and looked away. She couldn't take him away, that was against girl code. Buts she felt like she had known him since the dawn of time... or at least for a few years, anyways. She was tired and cold, and she had more unanswered questions than Pokemon in the universe. But one thing was for sure, she thought with defiance. She WOULD find The Lady, Citations or not.

A Pasal Reviews a Movie Scene! (Pt. 1)

In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 (Or HPDH7.5, take your pick), there is a particularly well done nude scene. I am not talking about when Harry dives into the pond to get the sword of Gryffindor, or when there are 7 Harry Potters mainly in their skivvy's, or when Harry is zipping up Ginny Weasleys dress. Those show some beautiful snippets of skin, yes. Some very, very VERY pretty pieces of flesh, indeed. But none of those quite compare to the Horcrux Scene, where Harry and Hermione, partake in one of Ron Weasleys biggest fears: Hot, naked, and making out.

The scene was extremely well done and tasteful, as far as hot, naked, make out scenes go. When I got home, I had to re-read the chapter in question to make sure they actually were naked, and not naked for Hollywood sake. And sure enough, it was/wasn't. Sure, it never said they weren't naked, but more importantly, it never said that they were. I see what you did there, Hollywood. Thinking you could use sex to sell a movie that no one would go and see anyways, because as far as I know, people don't really like HP. They prefer vampires. Maybe if someone were to mix the two together, they could create a beautiful fan fiction loved and adored by all.

The effects in the scene were brilliantly executed. Their skin, flawless, shining, and creamy, brought many an audience to their knees. And in the weeks to follow, probably the bathroom.

And the emotion! The raw, unadulterated emotion! You can't see that in cinema, kids.

Well, maybe you can.

All in all, I award this scene 6/7 Horcurxes, losing a point for the brief, awkward laughter in the theatre, and for all of those who would have rather seen Harry/Ginny or Hermione/Ron. But for those who thought the match was a match made in /fiction history, I award you 7/7 Horcruxes. That is enough to purchase one (1) internet.

Go wild, HP!

Dial M For Megaladon (Ch. 9)

The Emperor awoke with a jagged headache, and what was left of his hair a perfect wreck. He stumbled out of his lavish bed into his bathroom commode, to the bathroom mirror. He peered into it, admiring his reflection, until he saw the heavy purple baggage under his eyelids, and the frown marks that lined his mouth and eyes, His face looked like a road map now, of a large city, with hundreds of roads leading to nowhere. He groaned, and rubbed his eyes with his fists, and closed his eyes tightly. He was getting too old for this, he thought to himself. He looked deeply, further.

"I feel a great disturbance in the force." He muttered under his breath. There were renegades among him, he knew, and that at any moment they had the power and the ability to betray him. He had to hold out a little longer, just a little bit longer, until-

Until what? He was old and boring? Never. He aged well, he believed. He was more of a fine wine than, say, a loaf of moldy bread. He aged decently, and he looked quite handsome, but the last 18 or so years were finally catching up to him. His regret of losing what was once so near and dear to him was getting harder to forget. He needed this last, final victory. The Lady was still alive and well out there, and there was no room for the two of them in this galaxy. Once he defeated her, he could die happy. And maybe, he could find what he had lost so many years before.

---

The group of renegades had long abandoned the little igloo in search of the rebel fort. The Arctic Goats tromped on through the snow, while Cornelius pranced and frolicked through the snow with grace and wonder. Even though he had lost most of his magic by being on Earth, he never forgot who he was, or where he came from. Megaladon gripped his mane tightly, and was trying hard not to laugh too much. This was a serious situation, indeed- what with the upcoming battle and all.

"How much further?" She yelled behind her, to the rest of her friends. "I think Magikarp is getting pretty antsy being in his pokeball, and all. I mean, he hasn't used Tackle in like, a million years!"

"Eh, not too long, now. I'd say, eh, 'bout- now!" Chester yelled out as he came to a tight halt at a long flag pole marked with nothing, except for a small red button protruding from the pole.

M. Cassie and Ninja led the goats around the pole, while Megaladon as hard as she could to suppress her giddiness.

Chester pressed the button a number of times, in typical morse code fashion:

- .... . | --. .- -- . 

The ground shook and quook and the ground sunk at a steady rate.

down down down they went, deep into the treacherous black of the ground. the sky was but a pin prick in the sky, when they settled at the bottom. A small figure walked towards them, shrouded in shadow and mystery.

"Who is that?" Megaladon shivered.

"'Tis a new character, mate! 'er name is Wikipedia Angelica."